I can't breathe

Chapter 1

"You fucking whore! I don't know why I ever decided to date you in the first place!"
"Oh, I'm the whore? Says the one who sleeps with her boss the day after she got a divorce!"
"Fuck you Bryan!"
"You need to leave. Get out of my house and take your kids with you. Leave Peyton and I alone. I never want to see or hear from you again."
I can hear Vanessa chuckle quietly. I sit in the corner of my room sobbing softly, holding the stuffed bear my mother had given me before she died. I prayed that it would stop. That Vanessa would just leave. I didn't want her here anymore. It was too much.
"You really think that you can just kick me out?! After all I've done for you and your bitch of a daughter? You thought wrong."
It goes quiet for several agonizing seconds and I think that it's stopped. But then I hear my dad whisper so quietly that it's barely audible.
"You don't have to do this Vanessa. It doesn't have to end like this."
Just because I was 8 years old doesn't not mean I didn't know what was happening. I had seen enough movies to know that a gun was being pointed at my dad in this very moment. I ran down the stairs in an effort to protect him.
"Stop it! Don't hurt him!" I screamed. But my small body and squeaky voice was nothing compared to her.
"Go back upstairs Peyton. This doesn't concern you."
I just stood there staring daggers at this woman I once called my step mom. She seemed nothing more than a psychopath now.
"Fine then, if that's how it's going to be."
Then she pulled the trigger.
"NO! DAD!"

Peyton's pov
I screamed and sat up quickly in my bed, drenched in sweat and tears streaming down my face. The nightmares were horrible and happened at least once a week. I feel my chest tighten and my breathing quickens. The room started spinning and I started choking out sobs. I was petrified and in that moment I wanted to die. I didn't understand why this was happening to me. I laid back down, clutching my blanket to my chest. It's okay Peyton, you're safe. Just focus on your breathing. The attack lasted about 40 minutes but felt like a very long 2 hours. I check the clock. It read 2:32 AM. There was no way I would be getting back to sleep any time soon so I dragged myself out of bed to go take a shower. I looked around as I stood up. This house doesn't feel like home. Like I'm not supposed to be here. I've felt that was about this house for quite a while now which is frustrating because I feel like I'm never at peace. I slowly walk to my closet to grab some new pajamas since the ones I'm wearing are covered in sweat. Once I get them I head to my bathroom and strip to my bra and panties. I look in the mirror and take note on what I need to fix about my body. My long, tangled, brown hair falls over my shoulders and I notice that it's time to get it trimmed. My bright green eyes aren't as pretty as they sound, probably due to lack of sleep and the redness and puffiness of crying so much. I'm breaking out again too, how lovely. I hate my thighs, they are so fat and ugly. I know I'm slightly underweight but they still look huge. I breathe a sigh of both sadness and defeat as I take off my bra and panties and get into the shower, letting the scalding hot water run down my face. It's too hot and burning my skin but I don't care. After I'm finished I walk out and apply a face mask, these depuffing eye things and some eye cream in an effort to fix my mess of a face. I put my new pajamas back on and walk back over to my bed, drowning myself in my sheets. I laid awake for several hours before finally my alarm went off letting me know that it was time to get ready for school. I drag myself out of bed once again and put on the clothes I had planned out the night before. It's a hot pink tank with a gold necklace, ripped white skinny jeans, and brown sandals. I stood in front of the mirror, looking at my body from every angle, making sure every part of my outfit was perfect. Now I needed to do something about my hair. After combing it out, I curled it in loose waves which suited my hair quite nicely. Next I applied my makeup, and a lot of it. I manage to cover my acne and dark circles but the eye cream and makeup seemed to do nothing for my tired, puffy eyes. I grab my bag and a granola bar and begin walking to school. It's sunny and warm out today, the perfect weather. I shouldn't be sad. I shouldn't be freaking out over every little thing that goes wrong, but I do. I  text my friends that I'm on my way to school and that's when I knew I fucked up. I forgot to bring a sweater to cover my wrists. I scratch them when I'm anxious so they look pretty bad. The thought of this gives me anxiety. I'll just have to try and hide it I guess. I get to the school and my friends greet me with hugs. I call them my friends but they really aren't. They are rude and they always pressure me into having sex with other boys. The first period bell rings and I walk into the school, putting on my fake smile and pretending I'm okay. I find my way to Mrs. Langstons room and take a seat at my desk. Then Carson, the jock of the school sits next to me.