Taken For Granted

“How can he do this to me!” I cried, salt water blurring my vision. “How could he like that… that slut!” I screamed. I’m angry, and upset, I won’t, no, I can’t control myself. I feel like my heart has been scratched at, pulled, hit and torn. I feel sick to my stomach, the pain and embarrassment circulating my whole body. A car horn beeps and I brush away some of my tears and focused on the road. How could he.

I feel angry. I want to lash out; I want to make him feel the pain I feel. I want him to beg for my forgiveness, beg for me. But then I think about him and how much he means to me and I start to cry more. I love him so much. I’m suffering an emotional merry-go-round – they just go round and round in circles. “I can’t believe he likes her!” I grip the steering wheel tightly trying to force the tension that’s built up in me to leave.   

First he tells me ‘no, darling, you’ve got it all wrong, we’re just friends I promise’ and now he’s telling me ‘I don’t know how I feel about you anymore, I mean we fight and argue and I guess I’m moving on.’ This is all within three days! It took him three fucking days to change his feelings for her and fuck me over! He barely knows her! I uncontrollably hit the steering wheel with a clenched fist.

I do so much for him. So damn much and he repays me by liking another bitch. What does he take me for! I wish I could kill her. I wish I could watch her die. I hate her! I hate what she tells him about me. She doesn’t know me! How can he believe her? I’ve been his girlfriend for nearly a year and he’s only just started talking to her. They haven’t even spoken for a week! She’s a manipulative cow! Another car sounds their horn. I aggressively beep them back.

Tears began to streak across my cheek again. I don’t want to leave him. I don’t want him to leave me. I just wish this never had to happen. I just wish he’d listen to me. I just wish he didn’t have the power to do this to me. I relaxed into my seat more, letting my tears take over. I don’t know how I’d rather feel; sad or angry. My heart feels so heavy when I’m sad, my stomach aches and I just feel like throwing up. But when I’m mad, I’m furious. I hit my surrounding objects, swear and become very tense. Emotionally I’d rather be angry because it hurts less, but physically I’d rather be sad because I’m more relaxed. A car horn sounds faintly. I just wish…