3AM [a.i]

xv

I used to think I couldn't go a day without your smile. Without telling you things and hearing your voice back.

Then, that day arrived and it was so damm hard but the next was harder. And I knew with a sinking feeling it was going to get worse and I wasn't going to be okay for a very long time.

Because losing someone is not an occasion or an event. It doesn't just happen once. It happens over and over again. I lose you every time I pick up your favorite coffee mug; whenever that one song plays on the radio, or when I discover your old t-shirt t the bottom of my laundry pile.

I lose you every time I think of kissing you, holding you, or wanting you. I go to bed at night and I lose you, when I wish I could tell you about my day. And in the morning, when I wake and reach for the empty space across the sheets, I begin to lose you all over again.

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I HAVE MIXED FEELINGS RN WHETHER I WANT TO KISS MICHAEL AND CUDDLE HIM OR HIT HIM WITH A BIG ASS TV BC THOSE FINGERS

ANYWAY THIS IS NOT MINE i cant write anything this week i cri