Queen Quinn

14 hell

Theres only going to be 18 or 19 chapters

This chapter will be set in the past and it's really dark so.. beware.. each part is in a random moment in kellin's life so it's not in order.

Its pitch black in here.. I cant see my hands but I know they have blood on them. I'll be lucky if I bleed to death but I know that wont happen. That's to good to happen to me.

I touch the wall, it's still there. I'm scared the walls will disappear and leave me in a black abyss. That or the opposite. The walls might close in on me. So I touch the walls to make sure they are still in place.

I'm in a closet.

Tears brim to my eyes but I fight it. I shouldn't cry.. that would just show my weakness. My back hurts like crazy and I know I'm getting blood everywhere.

Outside of the closet I can hear my mom babbling and how the words ending. I hope it is. I hope god is going to send mass destruction and saves the believers. I believe, that's the only kind of hope I have in my life.

My parents dont believe in god. I learned about it from a priest. I was 13 and I was trying to run away but got scared so I curled up in front of a building and cried. They mad found me and took me in. I never been in a church so it looked magical.

He gave me faith.

It's been 2 years and I've been praying and reading a bible he gave me. I hide it in the floorboards so it's not in the best shape but I cant put in a book shelf or anything. I had it under my pillow but it kept getting wet from my parents pouring water on me to wake me up.

My bed smells like mildew but I'd love to be on it right now. It's been two day since she cut me and locked me in? I think two. It's hard to tell theres no light in here.

I'm weak and I feel my stomach eating away at itself. As I lay on my stomach a feel myself slowly drift to sleep. I would sleep on my side or back but my ribs ate bruised and my back its cut and the less I move the sooner it will heal.

-

In my room I look at my body in the mirror. I'm disgusting. My back has ugly scars, my hair is oily and my body's dirty. My mom tried to bury me alive.. she thought I was dead but I just passed out from fear.

Both of my wrists are bloody and caked in mud. She thought I bleed to death.. I wish I did, I wish I'd die already. My ribs are visible and I look like a skeleton. My thighs have a large gap in between each other. My collarbones are unhealthy sharp and defined.

Ugly

I'm ugly and I can't do anything about it. It's my moms goal to make me ugly and weak. She doesn't want my father to look at me the way he does. She doesn't want him to touch me the way he does.. I dont either.

I put on my dirty clothes back on. All my clothes are dirty. People at school make fun of me for it. Matty is my only friend. But he doesn't know anything about me. I plan to keep it that way.

I'm not allowed to have friends so I cant hang out with him outside of school so I guess we aren't real friends. Just acquaintances.

Why is my life so fucked up? I go and pull out my bible. As I take it out I feel a little bit better. The bible gives me hope.  I open it up and accidentally get blood and dirt on it. There are a lot of my tear drops in this book. Dried but making stains. I know your supposed to keep it clean and stuff but I write in mine.

Questions to god, notes, and prayers. I underline and circle things I like, connect with, or and confused about. This bible is like my dairy.

After reading some I put it safly away into the floor. I'm freezing, my room is the garage so it's really drafty and theres not heater or vents in here.  I go over to my window. It's got an amazing view, of a broken fence.