try to fix you // h.s.

five: care

Chapter Five.

tw: abuse, self-harm, suicide

// sutton \\

I panicked as I awoke trapped, before opening my eyes slowly to see Harry laid asleep beside me, his arms hugging around my waist and our legs tangled together.

I shook my head at the sight and pushed myself out of the embrace, standing up from the bed and turning away from Harry, who was surely awake now.

I shouldn't have let this happen. But I had. I remembered uttering the words, "Please don't leave me,' and Harry was kind enough to listen to that.

"Sutton," he murmured. I jumped when hands touched my shoulders, lightly massaging them from behind.

"Don't be scared of me, please," he begged but I still just shook my head.

"I don't even know you," I said bluntly and he turned me around to face him, looking down at me.

"I know, I know. This is all crazy, but I want you to," he silently said and I shook my head, still in refusal. I had been alone my whole life, there was no way this boy wanted anything to do with me. This was all too much. 

But he had potentially saved me last night. He comforted me and watched my favorite movie with me, and made me feel...not so alone. Something I hadn't felt in a long, long time.

He had made me feel safe as he rocked me to sleep in his arms, whispering sweet nothings in my ear until I drifted back off to sleep. 

I had never felt anything like that before.

I just didn't know what to think about it. Here was this boy, who I had only met two days ago, and I had already gone too far. He had been in my room more than once, and he had slept with me in my bed. I already felt the butterflies they talk about in the movies, the ones that refused to disappear when I was in his presence.

I didn't want to trust him, I didn't want to know him, and I'm sure he felt the same way. So why was I doing this?

But before I could process my own thoughts, my lips had spoken the words "Get out" to him.

"What?" He responded, watching my every move.

"You need to leave," I said quietly.

"Sutton.." He trailed off, and I dropped my gaze from his piercing one, fiddling with the sleeve of my shirt.

"Please just go," I said, a tear threatening to spill from my eye and I made no move to stop it. He knew I was weak, why hide it?

"Okay," he said softly, running a hand through his curls with no hesitation. I didn't want him to come back. I wanted him to stay away. To leave and not come back; I hated sympathy and that was all he was giving me right now. He didn't actually want to be around me, he had simply felt bad for me, which is what half of the doctors in the hospital did to me, the other half not even bothering to pretend to remotely like me.

But yet again it felt so great to feel like someone could care for me. Someone I could trust, I just didn't know how to do that anymore. I had been alone for years, and now this famous heartthrob is hanging out with me? It didn't make any sense.

He sighed before turning away from me. "You know, Sutton. You can push me away all you want, but I am not going to stop until you force me away for good."

With that, he was gone, and I was alone. I forced myself to walk into the bathroom and turn the water on to shower, though I had just taken one yesterday morning and I didn't actually need a shower, I just wanted one. The hospital water could only be so warm for so long, and I wanted to cherish being able to shower like this before I was living on the streets for a while since I was pretty much broke.