I could stare into your hazel eyes forever, but you didnt let me have a choice. You left me. He left me. Ethan dolan, my lover, my only one, the person i was head over heels in love with.
It was 2015 when we became friends. 2016 when we became lovers. 2017 when we first kissed. 2019 when you left me. Your eyes no longer had the sparkle, your eyes were no longer hazel, they were dark, filled with hate, no love was shown. And then you killed yourself, left me to try and cope without you by my side. What did you expect me to do? I was in love with you ...and you... You just left, like i meant nothing to you. You sat there, telling me how nobody wants you but i didnt understand where youre coming from with that, i dont see where i became nobody. I mean, in my eyes, im somebody. In my eyes im somebody important and my opinion matters, but i am pretty stupid. But im definitely not nobody.
So when you told me nobody wanted you, that hurt because i dont see how you could say that when there was someone fighting for you everyday right infront of you because they cared about you. So if you couldnt hear me when i told you that you matter. Maybe now youll hear me. I am not nobody so do not say that nobody wanted you because i wanted you and i fought for you everyday. I think about you everyday. I wondered how youre doing because i cant be there with you all the time now! But that doesnt mean im nobody because i care and you know, the person that says nobody cares about them is usually the person that has the most people caring about them. So yeah, thats the person i was fighting for, the person who said nobody cares about them when somebody did and you know im cool with that but there is a line. That when you cross it, you know, that really hurts. But you still left me. Even after i proved i was not a nobody! You still abandoned me.
Ethan. I thought you actually loved me. I know I'm being selfish but am I really? I'm grieving. You were meant to be at the end of the aisle as I walked down, linking arms with my father. We were meant to say our vows and say "I do". Go on a beautiful honeymoon. Just us. Have kids together. But you decided to end your life and leave me here alone. How do you expect me to deal with this shit. I want to say I hate you but I really don't. I'm just disappointed. Why?
Let's start from the beginning shall we?
Idk how to feel about this but tell me if you like it or not :)
