Skriveni (Part Two)

Chapter Eighteen

It’s been a week. A full week. She hasn’t called or texted me. I haven’t seen her. When I call her, she ignores it and when I text her, she always says she’s busy. When I went over there to see her, Jack said it wasn’t a good time. I’m going mad thinking about it. Amanda told Rye that Jupiter just wasn’t up for company right now, which is understandable from anyone except me. I know Blue has hung out with her once or twice, even though she blows me off when I ask her about it.

I sit in the swing at the park, staring up at the dark sky. It’s 5 a.m. and the sun will be coming out soon. I let out an exasperated sigh and kick my feet against the soil. I wish it would rain right about now, that way I could drown in that instead of my thoughts. I rub my tired eyes that are probably bloodshot by now. I haven’t slept in two days; not really anyway. I’m stressed out with my own girlfriend ignoring me. I don’t know what I did or why she won’t talk to me, but if this doesn’t end soon, I will go completely crazy.

A sliver of the sunlight pours onto the ground and I spin around in my swing to watch it slowly rise. It’s so strange to me how it can be so dark, but within minutes so bright and blinding. I guess that’s how it is when you meet someone new. You can be stuck in the dark for months—even years, but if you meet the right person, they instantly become you sun, lighting up your life. I always ponder that thought, but then I realize eventually the sun has to go down. Is that how it is with people? Does everyone eventually have to go away? I don’t see how that’s fair.

I rub my temples, feeling a headache coming on. I stand up and begin walking back towards my house. I probably should have driven my Jeep or bike, but I felt like walking would make me feel better. I pull out a cigarette that I stole from Tommy and light it, taking a puff. I don’t like smoking, really. I never did, but it makes me feel something, which is better than feeling nothing at all. I like the way it makes me feel warm inside, since all I’ve been feeling recently is cold. I like the feeling against my lips, since nothing else seems to be there.

When I get home I look like hell and reek like cigarettes. I kick off my boots and slip off my blue jean jacket. It might be summer, but the early mornings are still quite chili. I pour myself a cup of coffee and go up to my room, closing the door behind me. I climb onto the roof and watch the sunrise that’s almost complete by now.

It’s strange how you can feel so empty, but content with it. It’s almost like people would rather be sad than happy, because the sadness never fails; it’s always there. Happiness is temporary, but you can always find reasons to be sad. I guess that’s why it’s so easy for me to be sad and so hard for someone to pull me out of that state. I take a sip of my coffee. I wish I wasn’t so empty right now. Mostly, I wish I wasn’t content with it. I’ve felt like this for so long and it actually went away for a month and within a couple of days it’s back. It makes me feel pathetic, because okay, so what? Jupiter is ignoring me. It’s not the end of the world. Either she’ll come around or she won’t and I need to stop letting it eat at me so much.

I need to stop getting attached to people and stop letting them control my emotions, because in the blink of an eye they could be gone.

“Skriveni?”

I’m being shook and I do not appreciate it whatsoever. I groan and roll over to see Tommy staring down at me with a cocked eyebrow. I sit up, releasing a loud breath. The sun is burning down on my body; it must be late afternoon. I look over to my right where my coffee cup is on its side. I guess I passed out.

“Hey, we’re heading out,” he says.

“Now?” I ask.

“Yeah; I love staying with you, but I have a girl to marry, so I need to get back on the road.”