CRY OF THE WIND.

#1.We who strive to live, see our own darkness allure.

I wanted to stay there for my whole life. That place which was so quiet we could hear our own heartbeat, that place where we often felt more at home than at our actual home, that place where deep inside we knew very well was the best place we could be but we could never be there, not because we couldn't but because we could.

She was there again, seated at the Facility's backyard near the playground, looking at the kids playing as she swept her wavy, medium-sized brunette hair aside In order for her to see clearly and right before I walked away, "Am quite surprised that you haven't talked to me since you came", She said with a smile without even looking at me. The first thing that came in my mind the moment I saw her smile was I can't do this right now. I was sure she knew what I was thinking since everyone I've ever met knew exactly what I was thinking because I've always been like an open book which all kinds of people read anytime they want because I've never known how to close myself or rather I lost both my memories and myself trying to fit in the world that I became like a song. But songs have different meanings depending on the one who's listening to it. "It's different for people like me, I'm sure you don't understand", I whispered as a stoical grin and bear it expression came across my face.

"Well you don't understand shit, do you? You seem like someone who gives a damn too much that you can't even stand yourself. But sometimes you gotta stop giving a damn about what anyone thinks and do right by you. You know some of us have been in a cage for so long we've forgotten how being free is like, but you! You've experienced the world in the way only you can explain. And I don't blame you". Her words they cut deeper just like someone who's known pain before and she added, "The only way to be fight pain is with pain because then you won't have to be the only one to feel it, in order to know what it's like to be in one's shoes you must have to have walked the same mile, direction and footsteps". "I take back what I said and thought, for someone to wish others the same pain as theirs, you understand but with a thought like that it just makes you as bad as the world that so despises us!" I shouted without thinking and the next moment.

I was with my psychiatrist in her office. "Declan!" She snapped her fingers. "Are you alright?"She asked with sympathy, "Yeah, I'm fine. What were we talking about?" I had forgotten and I'm sure she noticed it too. I was losing track of time. "You were talking about the girl you met here at this facility and you were in the part where you said that she's just as bad as the world that so despises you. But I have a question, you kept saying 'Us', Can you clarify for me exactly who you were referring to as 'Us' ", she asked me and explaining it to her would mean that she might have an idea of what I might be thinking but I guess sometimes a gamble isn't that bad of an idea.

"You see I've always had a feeling like there are like many people or souls or things inside me for some time and even when I'm alone, I don't feel alone. I feel like I've got someone there and other times when I'm quiet I hear them clearly but it's more like a murmur from a crowd than a speaker in a meeting, I hear many people talking, some are talking about what I did while others are ridiculing it and some are just talking about some kind of shit they've seen or heard somewhere", I told her as she stood up before asking, "Have you talked to the girl ever since that day?"

I shook my head in denial and asked with concern, "What's that girl have to do with anything?" She went to her desk and took out a paper and a pencil then she said, "The girl draws you, doesn't she? She makes you feel like you've finally found what you've been searching for. The girl might be the answer you've always wanted but the problem is and isn't because she reminds you of someone". Aaargh!! This doctor really got my head confused in a way with her is and isn't situations, I thought to myself. Maybe my situation is dire and I might need some surgery, man would that be great if I ended up dying when I'm still in surgery and I'm in a sort of anesthesia or in a coma or maybe in a sleep..... Yes, dying in a sleep wouldn't be that bad if you think about it. I mean there would be no pain and I will be free from this world. If only I could find a way to die in my sleep but oh well, I've tried my best.

"Damn dude! What the heck are you thinking about? You smiling like you planning a murder or something", Belladonna said with a crooked smile as she dropped a royal flush on me. "Damn, how did you know how to play poker?" I asked not expecting what she said. "You did, don't you remember? It was the second time we met after you and I had that fight the first day. I came in on you while you were doing some sort of yoga". "Wow! You really can't say things the way they are, Can you? That wasn't even yoga, meditation is so different. How the hell could it be the same", I tried explaining as we busted out laughing so loud I couldn't feel my ribs.