Rebirth (John Taylor #1)

Chapter 4

"John!" she said in a surprised gasp.

I was too stunned to say anything for several heartbeats. I was just staring at her and her swollen abdomen.

"You're ..." was all I could get out.

"Pregnant. You should probably come in," she said, moving out of the doorway.

I walked in, staring at her the whole time as she closed the door. She stepped around me and walked into the adjacent living room, while I slowly trailed behind.

Finally, my wits started to come back, "You ... you don't seem as surprised to see me alive as I thought you would."

She sighed and said, "No. I got the letter you sent here for my parents, telling them you were alive and looking for me."

"I included a number at Walter Reed, for them to pass to you so you ... Why didn't you call?"

"I don't know. At first I was so stunned that Joel ... my ... we were worried I might go into early labor. It took days for me to calm down, and after I did, I couldn't figure out how to explain this," she said, gesturing at her stomach.

I didn't know what to say. I was upset. There was no doubt about that. Thoughts of her were what had got me through those years; and, here she was, pregnant and most likely married to another man. But I couldn't hate her, either. I was dead. That's what everyone believed, and she couldn't put her life on hold forever.

"You're right, I guess, it's just ... I have thought about you a lot. I played our reunion through, so many times in my head."

We just sat and avoided eye contact for more than a minute. This was so awkward it was painful. There was nothing she could say that would make me not feel pain, and nothing I could say that wouldn't just be an attempt to make her feel guilty. There really isn't forgiveness in this situation, since no one did anything wrong, and yet acceptance seemed impossible.

"How long," I finally said.

"What?" She asked, my question not being the one she was expecting I guess.

"How long have you been married," I asked, pointing at her wedding band.

"A year and a half. We met at a military family support group. His wife was a pilot who died in a training accident and you, well..." she broke off.

"When did you move in with your parents?"

"Just after I finished grad school, about a year after you went missing. There were too many memories in North Carolina to stay. I needed a fresh start, so I moved in here. Then my Dad retired. He bought a small piece of land in Georgia, leaving me this house."

I had just been making small talk, but it didn't seem to be helping the situation any. Mostly I was trying to distract myself from the massive heartbreak I was feeling. It was honestly worse than any of the pain Qasim and his men had inflicted on me.

"That first year," she said and then stopped.

We continued to sit in silence for several moments, until she continued, "That first year was really hard. I almost flunked out of the graduate program. I fell apart. But, I had to move on. I had to put our chapter of my life behind me."

I couldn't really take it anymore. I felt anger welling up inside me but I had nowhere to go. Claire hadn't done anything to deserve my anger. The guys who did were half way across the globe.

It wasn't like I could ask her to leave her husband and come back to me. She was ready to have a baby any minute. I wasn't going to break up this family, just so I could have the life I thought I should have. No, it was better to just walk away and wish her a happy life. I was sure that one day I would even mean it.