The year was 1934. A young bear stepped into a restaraunt. Little did he know, he was about to be abducted by aliens. They came for him and took him to their spaceship. Obama was there. The truth has never been revealed until now: Obama is a bear. This is the story of the conspiracy.
January 32nd, 1935. A man named Bobby falls into a hole. This hole is Obamas lair. The man saw Obamas Plans to use his army of bears to enslave humans. Bobby ran and told multiple chinchillas about what he saw. Bobby and all of those chinchillas mysteriosly disappeared. Except for one. To quote the chinchilla "Squeeek squeek squeeeeeeek". This is solid evidence.
Febuary 41st, 1958. A man sees a bear while out hiking. Little did he know, this bear was Obama. He also saw a bear cub. This is Obamas daughter, Marshmallow. He picked up marshmallow and squeezed her. He then poked Obama with a stick. Then the bear attacked him. Why else would the bear attack him if the bear wasnt Obama?
January 56th, 1961. This was the day that Obama began the transformation. The evil Barbara Vorschevsky helped to transform him into a human. Barbara used the evil process of cold ricing. Cold ricing was banned in 1974 after an FDA study showed that 10 out of 10 lab rats exposed to an animal that has been cold riced spontaneuosly combusted into an explosion of rainbow unicorns. In order to perform the ceremony of Bobby Jonothan, Obama had to pee all over a cat. After he was done, he drank some water and peed again. Barbara Vorschevsky was later arrested by me. To qoute her "He just kept peeing. I mean, I enjoy a good pee every once in a while, but this was ridiculous"
May 37th, 1963. Santa is taking a sailing trip with his best friend, the Spleenmeister. Suddenly, the spleenmeister attacks santa with a rusty spoon. The next morning, Santas body washes up on shore. All of his vital organs have disappeared. Heartbroken, Santa claus jr took over santa's illegal toy piracy operation. He put the spleenmeister on the naughty list. This gave the spleenmeister and the bears a common gole: kill santa claus Junior.
August 32nd, 1963. The bears hold a meeting over whether or not to attack santa clause jr. With their newfound information that was provided by the spleenmeister, they believed that they had all of the resources they needed to shut down his illegal toy distribution operation. They only needed one thing. They needed the launch codes to the penguin allience's nuclear weapons. If they had that, they could trade it for a candy bar. They wanted a candy bar so badly that they were willing to sacrifice all of their resources to get one. Obama, whose head had transformed into the head of a human, ate the spleenmeiser. This made one of his arms turn into a human arm.
December 35th, 1963. A squirrel spontaneously combusts.
December 36th, 1963. A pengiun is going about his regularly scheduled spontaneous combustion when suddenly, the ghost of christmas past appears. He says that the penguin has 16 days until Elmo destroys Canada. Without Canada, Mexico will be the only neghbor to the united states. Therefore, when the zombie okapis attack the u.s., mexico will be their next target. And this relates to bears for some reason.
