Bundle of Branches

Chapter 11

"I ran some blood and urine tests on Chance, and I have some bad news." Paula puts an arm around Izzy's shoulders.

Izzy takes a breath, her chest cold. "Yes?"

"He has kidney failure."

"Kidney failure?" Izzy brings a hand to her mouth. Her heart is pounding, aching. "But- no. Kidney failure means... it means he could die. Kidney failure isn't something people like him get. It's something old people get, something sick people get. Not him."

Paula gently sits Izzy down. "Sweetheart, he is sick. He's very sick. He went into septic shock, and now his kidneys are failing. But we can treat him. He can still... he can still live through this. With dialysis and the right medications, he can be okay."

Izzy's gaze flickers to Chance, lying flushed and feverish on the bed. His eyes are puffy, and even with the oxygen mask, his breathing is fast. "Chance," she whispers, standing up and moving over to his cot. "Chance, I'm so sorry. If we'd gotten to you sooner, maybe... maybe you wouldn't be so sick right now."

"Oh, don't-" Paula sighs. "Don't say things like that. Don't blame yourself for this. It's nobody's fault."

"Yes it is," Izzy says, her voice breaking.

Paula shakes her head. "Everyone worked as hard as they could to find Chance, and you got to him just in time. Think how much worse he would be if he'd been rescued weeks, or even days, later." Her eyes are misty.

"How could he be worse?" Izzy lightly strokes Chance's cheek. "He has septic shock, severe internal bleeding, and now his kidneys are failing. I-"

Chance's eyes open, and he takes a shallow breath. "Izzy?" His forehead creases. "Where..." He grimaces. "Where am I?"

Izzy glances at Paula, her heart jumping. "What's going on? Why does he- why does he recognize me?"

"I'm assuming it's a temporary moment of lucidity." Paula puts a hand on Chance's knee. "Good to see that you're awake, Chance."

"What happened?" Chance weakly lifts a hand up and touches Izzy's face. "Iz, why are you here?" He shivers.

Izzy smiles. "Hey. I haven't left your side, bud. You're sick. How are you feeling?"

Chance reaches out, taking Izzy's hand. "Horrible. My head feels heavy... I'm tired... and my chest hurts." He winces, sharply inhaling as pain throbs in his abdomen. "Everything hurts, actually."

Izzy swallows, trying her best to keep from sobbing. "I'm sorry. I keep feeling like this is all my fault. But maybe if we'd found out where they were keeping you sooner, then we could have rescued you before they did this to you." She takes a shaky breath.

"No," Chance says, his voice low. "This is not your fault, in any way. Don't even think that. I... I could never blame you. Okay?" His eyes search hers.

She nods hesitantly. "Okay. I just- I wish things had turned out differently. I mean, you're in pain, you're... you're sick, and-"

"How sick am I?" Chance slightly sits up. He holds her hand tighter. "Izzy, how sick am I? What's wrong with me?"

Izzy turns away so he can't see her tears. "You have septic shock," she chokes out. "And the septic shock gave you kidney failure. But Paula said you can get better." Her face is streaked with tears, and she quickly wipes them away. "I'm sorry," she says again.

Chance is silent for a moment before speaking. "This could be it." Then he's quiet again, the only noise in the room being his shallow breathing. "I'm ready, you know," he says after a while. "If this is it, if I do end up dying - I'm ready. I feel like... I've lived my life, and if this is the end, I'm fine with it."

"Please don't say things like that," whispers Izzy. She turns back to him, allowing him to see her sadness. "You're not going to die. Everything is going to turn out okay, have a happy ending. You have to believe that."

A small smile spreads across Chance's face behind the oxygen mask. "No, Izzy. You have to accept that things might not turn out okay. You have to accept that - I already have." He swallows. "Listen, I can feel it. My body is shutting down. I feel the worst that I've ever felt in my entire life, constantly tired, and I know I haven't exactly had a clear head lately. My chest hurts... it's hard to breathe... and I'm sick to my stomach." He leans back more into the pillows.

Izzy hugs herself. "Chance, please. Please try to fight this. Please don't just... give up. You've been my best friend for so long, and I really can't lose you." Her words melt away, and now she's crying. Even though she knows it's sort of selfish, even though she knows that Chance's input matters more than hers, she can't let him go.

Chance blinks, slowly. Every movement takes so much effort. "I'll try to fight, Izzy," he says. "But I can't promise you that I'll win."

Izzy starts crying harder. "Thank you. It's all going to be alright. Paula says... that if we put you on dialysis, and give you the right combination of meds, you'll have a good chance."

"I'd say a great chance," says Paula, stepping up and handing Chance two paper cups. One is filled with water, and the other is filled with colorful pills. "Here, take these to start. We'll start you on dialysis today, and what that will do is filter your blood because your kidneys can't. Is that okay?"

"Sure." Chance closes his eyes. "You guys do that." And then he's asleep.

"Will he be lucid again when he wakes up?" Izzy looks at Paula, her gaze tired.

Paula shakes her head. "I don't think so, sweetheart. I'm sorry." She wipes down Chance's neck with anesthesia, and picks up a needle and a catheter from the counter behind her. Then she sticks the needle above Chance's collarbone, followed by inserting the catheter. "Alright, this is for the dialysis, the continuous renal replacement therapy."

Izzy can only nod. She watches, her heart in her throat, as Paula hooks Chance up to a machine, his blood moving through the tubes connecting them. "And that's the... the continuous... renal... what?"

Paula smiles. "Continuous renal replacement therapy - to filter his blood." She pulls up another folding chair and sits next to Izzy. "Hey, reactions like his are common. Many people that I've treated, when faced with serious illness, say that they're ready for death. And it's because they haven't allowed themselves to consider the possibility that they might not die. They're trying to shield themselves, to protect their emotions, because they really don't want to get their hopes up and then get hurt."

"But- you and I were both telling him that there was a good chance he would live, and that there was treatment we could do." Izzy lightly rests a hand on Chance's arm. "Why did he still act like he was ready to die? Like... like he was going to die?"

"He wanted to prepare himself. It's a rational response, when you think about it - if he readies himself for the possibility of his death now, then if the treatment doesn't work, he will already be emotionally prepared to die."

Izzy stiffens, her heart freezing. "Do you think he's going to die?"

Paula puts a hand on Izzy's back. "I think that there is a very small chance that he might end up dying, but there is a bigger chance that the dialysis and medications will be successful. I believe he's going to be okay. The law of attraction, remember - if we think good things, then good things will come to us."

The trace of a smile appears on Izzy's face. "Yeah. I... I believe that, too. Or at least... I want to. I feel like, maybe, if I think positive things, then he might be okay." Her cheeks redden. "Or maybe that's stupid, I don't know."

"It's not stupid," says Paula. "It's a philosophy - and a good one, at that. If more people made philosophies and convictions, the world would be a better place."