⚠️Slight trigger warning before you read this⚠️
It was a bright and beautiful sunny day when i saw him. He was glistening in the sunlight, and in that moment I knew we would be something more than strangers. I was completely nervous of walking up to him but I did it. He was 6'4, brown curly hair, hazel eyes, and well kept eyebrows. I was 6'0, black hair, blue eyes. As we got to know each other we noticed how much we had in common and we became beet friends. We would text each other as much as possible and call when ever we could. I loved his laugh, his eyes, his smile, his everything.
I was always there for him and he was always there for me no matter what through thick and thin. We eventually started dating and I loved him so much and when ever I looked into his eyes it's like I could see the future with me and him. I wished it stayed that way it would of been wonderful. God I miss him so much it's not fair.
This isn't fair, this isn't what was supposed to happen, i should of seen the signs. I could of done better and I should of done better. Saving you from that god awful, fucked up household. For you only had a drunk, abusive father to come home to and a mother that was constantly at work. You showing up at school with bruises you tried to cover. If only you had came to me about it, I would of helped you and I would of done everything in my power to fix your fucked up mind and fucked up thoughts. I would of pushed my problems away just for you, and you knew that but you still didn't come to me and you still wouldn't let me help you and try to get you through your problems.
I walked in only to see your cold, dead, lifeless body. I wish I'd never seen that. Now I lay beside your grave wishing, wondering and beating myself up for not seeing the signs. I would do anything to get you back. I told myself it was all going to be ok but it's not. It's been quite a month if I'm so to say without you here. I go to school forgetting I'm not gonna see you there and not see you in class. It's fucking me up badly. Especially not being able to call you when I get home to talk to even more and hearing you laugh. That laugh, that fucking laugh and even though you hated it I loved it.
I can't get you out of my head. I hate how everything reminds me of you. Everywhere I look I see you and I just want this all to be a bad dream that I awake from. I just wanna be able to run into your arms like this never happened. I hate that you did this. I don't hate you for doing this but I hate what you did. I know you feel like you had no other choice and that there was no other way out but you should have said something to me.
I can't take it anymore; I can't take the long, endless days without you here by my side. I told myself I'd be strong for you, but I can't; not anymore. I'm sorry, so very sorry. It's over for me. My battle is over I just can't go on without you. I cried that entire night up until 3 am hacking away at my body with a single blade and feeling the warm drip of my bright red blood creep down my arm was a feeling of relief. i was finally free.
The next morning my mother found me. She was screaming in pain and of fear of what she had just seen. Her only son just hanging from ceiling, wrist glistening from the pain he felt the night before. There beside the lifeless body was a note it read,
"I'm so sorry it had to be this way mom I never ment for it to turn out this way. I couldn't take the pain anymore. Once my best friend was gone I was just done. I know you never would of accepted my sexuality and without your support it was hard to be myself. I'm sorry I truly am. Forgive me. I am now with who I love and couldn't live without".
Blood stains forever on the carpet reminding her of that moment.
I had to be with him I couldn't go on without him. He was the love of my life.
