I was 11 years old. It was a cold day in the winter. All I really remember is my shoes. I stared at them in the doctors office. They were black Nike's. Name brand shoes were a big deal for 11 year old Grizz. I had asked for them for my birthday and gotten them from my dad. Another big deal for 11 year old Grizz. Attention from my dad was priceless.
The doctors were talking to my mom about the differences between anxiety and introversion. She was convinced I was anxious when I asked to quit tap dancing. I had begged to go the year before, then suddenly stopped. She thought something was wrong with me. I was just realizing how to make things right for me.
I knew I was different from the other kids. My best friend Luke loved football and his friend Clark played hockey on the weekends. I wanted something in common with my friends. It hadn't helped that I'd overheard Harry Bingham tell Campbell Elliot that tap was only for weirdos.
I didn't want to be a weirdo. I wanted Harry to like me. I wanted everyone to like me. I was desperate to have something in common with the cool kids so I ditched tap and tried out for the year 5/6 touch football team. I had been good and the coach put me in the lineup and that was the end of tap.
Mom took me home and let me go read my favourite book about insects.
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I would draw pictures of the new Grizz. He was strong and tall and played football professionally. He thought tap was lame and was loved by everyone at West Ham Elementary. Even Harry Bingham thought the new Grizz was cool. This better version of me grew up and married his high school sweetheart (I hadn't met her yet but she had brown hair and brown eyes and looked suspiciously like Alexa Vega in the "Spy Kids" movies).
I worked hard for the new Grizz to exist in real life. In 8th grade I even dated brown haired, brown eyed Becca Gelb. It ended after about 3 weeks when I refused to hold her hand in the hallways but I made it happen nonetheless.
I lived life as new Grizz until Senior Year.
Then the drawing changed.
