Family
Definition: A fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children.
Of course everyone has a family. Right? Whether your parents are divorced. Or you don't have any parents at all. You do have a family. Your friends are your family. The people who care for you are your family.
Maybe your family aren't as perfect as the ones on television. No family is perfect. Maybe you wished you had a better family but to be honest with you, your "perfect" family will crumble and fall someday.
Maybe you're just perfectly happy with where you are now.
My family isn't at all perfect. My friends say I do. So maybe I do? I don't think so. My family has its ups and downs. Maybe it's because of money. Maybe it's because of something from the past. Or maybe it's just because of something stupid. I don't know.
D'you ever know the feeling when you're trapped?
Well my parents make me feel that. They practically say no to mostly everything I want. Piercing? No. Tattoo? No. Sleepovers? No. They don't let me express myself. They practically force me into being a Christian by going to church every Sunday and praying whenever I need to.
No offense to those who believe, but I personally do not believe in a God.
I'm used to it... I guess. I'm proud being unique. Heck everyone is. But it just feels like I can't do anything that I want.
When I was 7, my mother told me my dad had a wife. I say had because he left her and their children for my mom. All I could reply with was "Oh..." Because I was only 7. I didn't understand it very much. The reason why my dad left the woman was because "He didn't love her anymore" I believed that before but now I don't think that's the real reason.
Ruins the whole "Only family love" thing right? I don't even know if my dad still talks to them or what. Maybe he does. Maybe he doesn't.
My older brother cried. No he's not being a wimp about it. He felt betrayed and hurt. The hero of his life lied to him.
When I was 12, I got a message from her on facebook. Her name is Jocelyn. Great right? I thought I was actually going to talk to her more and get to know them. But I was wrong.
I opened the message to reveal her telling me what I spoilt little bitch I was. So you're his other daughter? You get to study abroad in an international school where you get to buy anything you want while we're here stuck in (country). She told me a bunch of other hurtful things but let's just keep it like that.
I wanted to tell her bad things but I just couldn't. I just told her nicely to leave me alone and she did. I never told my mom nor my dad for I was afraid of their reactions. I just wanted to move on. The thing that angered me the most was that she kept the surname. The surname that belonged to my dad and his father. Move on, bitch. He doesn't like you anymore. You sound like a psychopath. Was all that I could think of. I almost cried because I'd never expect her to find me.
I was scared.
1 year later, I decided to look for my half-siblings. Yes. I knew their names from when my mom told me when I was 7. I was surprised that I could even remember it. The only one's face I could identify was my half-sister's. My half-brothers' pictures werent very clear. She looked so much like my dad. I actually smiled to that.
I wanted to be-friend her. I wanted to tell her that the world's not over. Because I felt what she felt. Hurt. Betrayed. Confused.
My parents lied to me. I don't even know if what they say nowadays are true.
I know that they say that you have to listen to your parents because they know what's best for you. But I think it's complete bullshit. Why should I listen to what they say if they don't even tell me the truth.
I didn't be-friend her though. I was uncertain of pressing that Add as a Friend button. I was afraid that Jocelyn might come back for me again and tell me more shit.
I decided to move on. I didn't want all this fucked up thins in my life. But of course, that couldn't be avoided.
A months ago, I overheard my parents talking about me. Guess what they were saying?
My dad said I was growing up to be a messed up child. Just because I wasn't like my brother. My brother is so freakin' perfect to them. He gets good grades, and he does everything they expect him to do.
Me? I'm just a teenager with a messed up life. I get a C for English and they give me a long speech about how I should do better. They actually made me cry (I'm a sensitive person). Of course, English isn't my mother tongue so I'm expected not to be good at it at most times. But no, they don't understand that. My brother gets a D in English AND French. What does scolding does he get? Nothing. Why? Because he's the perfect one!
My mom thinks my friends are bad influences. She thinks I copy every single fucking thing I do. You know what? No. I do NOT copy what my friends do. I'll do whatever the hell I want whenever I want. But when you have parents like mine, that's never gonna happen. Why? Because God will freakin' punish you!
If I don't like a person in my school that they like you know what they ask me? Is it because your friends told you not to like him/her?
BULLSHIT! No! I dislike that person because I have my own reasons. Not because my friends told me to dislike him/her!
I don't even know what to tell them. I'm so mad at them for even thinking that. They think their daughter is a freakin' photocopy. THEIR OWN DAUGHTER.
But I guess I should be grateful that I even have a family to live with..
To the future...
-Lost Butterfly x
