I ran up the caramel coloured stairs, careful not to trip over my own feet. I hesitantly knocked on Mum's door but there was no answer.
I knocked again but still no answer.
I don't even know why I even bothered knocking, it was always the same, she never answered.
I decided to barge in anyway, taking my chances. I looked around slowly. This was the room that used to be my haven. This is where I would run when I would have my petty, stupid nightmares when I was little, but I would always feel safe. I would always come here and feel nothing but warmth. Now it was just a complete mess.
The wooden vanity mirror was covered in dust, the cream velvet curtains were closed shut as they always were.
I walked up to my Mum, who was covered in tissues, old yellow tear stains in the same spot on her pillow. The one she would cry herself to sleep on. She had a large woolen doona thrown over her and there was medication pills lying everywhere. Well, at least I thought it was medication.
I called her name, but there was no answer. I shook her gently, but she didn't even budge.
"Mum!" I spoke softly.
Still no answer.
I checked her pulse and the tears began to well up in my eyes when the sudden realisation hit me. The tears were falling rapidly down my cheek, my whole face distorted in shock. I didn't move an inch for what I thought was hours. I stumbled over to the phone sobbing and rang 000, even though I knew there was no point. I told them what had happened and they were there within minutes.
Everything was playing in slow motion. Paramedics rushing around me, ripping portable machines out of everywhere. I stayed by her side, clutching onto her shoulders, trying to somehow bring her back, but it was no use. Everything was all blurry, through my tears, but I knew it was too late.
She was gone.
I fell into a deep dark hole and I became a depressant like her, I started cutting myself and I didn't eat much.
No one was there to look after me and I had no money. I lived off of what we had for as long as I could, but it didn't work.
I attempted to commit suicide, but it didn't work.
I had no friends, no where to go in life.
I missed school for about a month and I didn't bring myself out of bed for almost 3 weeks.
I heard the light, yet forceful knocking from my room. I slowly got out of my bed that was covered in tissues. I looked down upon my bed. Dry tears all over the pillows, bed sheets yellow and dirty, blankets thrown in every direction. I sighed and began to walk downstairs, clutching onto the railing, as if it was my life support.
I opened the door, probably looking about twice my age because of how tired and drained of happiness I was. At my front porch was now a lady and a man. They were dressed in matching t-shirts with a logo that said "Foster Family Friends". 'Oh, how cheesy' I thought to myself.
"Hi there!" the lady spoke, she looked about 20 something but she could be older. They asked if they could come in so I decided to give in and let them.
My heart was aching and I just wanted it to all end.
I knew that if I died, no one would care because I've never had anyone care for me. I'm used to being used and now I have no family.
No one at all.
The lady and man came inside and looked at the place and I saw their noses rise because of the dreadful stench. They sat me down and began asking me questions that were very repetitive like "What's the last thing you ate.. How long have you been living alone for.. " but the one statement that struck me with shock was "Someone called us about you, if they hadn't any sooner we could have ended up with a dead Eloise!" I kept repeating it over in my head.. someone cared for me? Ha, that's a joke I'm not loved at all. Who the hell would care for me?
They began to tell me about a foster home that was open to having me as their "foster child". I looked at them and put my head in my hands. I gave out a loud sigh
"Sure!" I finally exclaimed I don't think anything else could go wrong with my life why not try and at least improve it!
"Fantastic!" They both chimed in together.
"You'll be assigned to your family in a few days or so."
I lead them to my bulky wooden door and bid them goodbye. As soon as I saw their bright blue car leave, I locked the door with a large metal padlock and went and made dinner. I haven't had a proper meal in a while and I decidedI would get my brain into the regular pattern of eating with a small stable meal.
I peered into the bag to find pasta and some tomato paste. I whipped up a small bowl and began to munch away.
The taste was mouthwatering, it was delightful, I didn't even realise how bad I actually missed food and I was so grateful for what they had brought me to eat.
I decided to treat myself and I began watching one of my favourite shows "Pretty Little Liars" and fell asleep nestled into my pure woollen blanket, the one Mum had made for me when I was only a little baby. It brought back so many memories and I can't say all were happy but it made me smile knowing that I was going to have something of her to take with me everywhere I go. I still missed her but I knew deep down she would want me to be happy.
Haunted by no nightmares and only pure dreams I knew it was going to get better.
