The whirlwind of confusion that is you. BXB

CHAPTER 9 my little fallen angel

CHAPTER 9

(ELLIOTT'S POV)

After Jace's little confession, we had a steamy make out session before watching films and gaming up until I felt it was time to go home.
It's about 10pm now as I'm unlocking my door. As it opens, I escape the cold winds of the outside only to be met by a silent darkness. I don't mind it, I mean I'm used to it. Also, sometimes a person just needs to be alone.
I sling my keys on the hall table and proceed towards the kitchen.
Switching the lights on, it still feels so empty. At times like these I wouldn't mind having a dog.
"Love truly is an open door..."
I sigh out as I open up the fridge door.
After a snack of cold pizza (not the nicest I know but don't judge me I'm lazy k!) and a drink of coke, I drag my now full and slumped body up towards my room.

~~~~~~~~~~TIME SKIP~~~~~~~~~~

(STILL ELLIOTT'S POV)

I am currently laid on my black and white, jack the skeleton bed. If you don't know who that is... We cannot be friends.
It's around about 11:25pm. The rain is constantly hitting against my window like a fountain and thunder and lightning strikes the sky every so often. Perfectly portraying my current mood. The storm started about half an hour after I got in and hasn't stopped, even for a second, since. If anything it has gotten heavier.
I don't mind though. It's my favourite weather. It's loud yet the sound of the rain is soft and comforting. The sky is lit up with flashes of white light, so bright it illuminates all it's surroundings. Lightning is probably my favourite because it's so beautiful, yet can be so deadly and destructive.
I lay sprawled out with my earphones in playing my music into my ears.
It's the first time I've really been alone since 'it' happened. Jace kept my mind off it while I was at his. Now however, there is nothing I can do to distract me. I'm left alone with my thoughts. Something that is never good.
It doesn't matter what I do or what I attempt to think to avoid the subject, my butt face of a brain always brings me back to it again.
I think about calling Jace, I don't want to annoy him too much though. I mean I did just get back from spending the night and a whole day with him. He almost definitely will just want a break now.

"Here comes the rain again,
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again,
Becoming who we are
As my memory rests,
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up, when September ends"
~guitar solo~
"Summer has come and past
The innocent can never last
Wake me up, when September ends
Like my fathers come to pass,
Twenty years has gone so fast
Wake me up, when September ends
Wake me up, when September ends
Wake me up, when September ends..."
When September ends by Green Day fades off through my earphones. Leaving me in complete silence.
"See I knew that you liked it you dirty little slut."
No, no, no. I don't want to remember!
His hands, the feeling, his smirk... no. No. NO!
Jumping up, I rip out my earphones and throw them along with my phone onto my bed.
I storm into my joining bathroom. Swinging the door open with so much force that it hit the wall behind it causing the room to shake and a cracking sound to reach my ears for a second. I was to consumed in my mission to care though.
Pulling open the bathroom cupboard door, I was faced with a shelf. In the middle of that shelf was a small, light green soap box. A small green box that I'd never wanted to see again.
I removed it from its home of almost two months and held it in my hands.
I flipped the lid off and yanked up my sleeves. No. Not my sleeves. Jace's. Jace's sleeves. Jace's shirt. Jace can never know.
His shirt smelt like him. He'd given it me to wear today while he put my clothes in the washer. His scent around me made me feel like he was actually with me. It's the only thing stopping me from going all the way.
I reached into the little box and pulled out my long forgot tend best friend.
As soon as my cold friend was in my hands, his whispers started up again.
We understand each other. My friend and I. We used to be a lot closer. I'd see him on a daily basis. Sometimes more than once. He was always there for me.
I let his sharp, metal edge linger over my skin. Dancing seductively over my inner arms.
While doing this, my eyes took in all my old scars. Hundreds of little masterpieces littered my arms.
Luckily for me, they were so faint that they'd only be visible in a certain light or if you really concentrated. So Kai nor anyone else would have seen them. My bathroom light showed them up the most. Although sun light at the correct angle can also reveal my self art. Even with this knowledge, I'm still cautious. Rather be safe than sorry.
My friend started to walk along my skin. Leaving lines of crimson red beauty as he went. Such perfect lines on such an in perfect canvas.
The blood ran over my arms in ribbons down each side and onto the black tile flooring below.
His hands.
1 cut
His smirk.
2 cuts
Their things in my mouth.
3 cuts
His hands on my body.
4 cuts
Their tongues on my neck, on my skin. Their hands touching me in places no one has before. Him over me. Them laughing at me, at my pain and tears.
His fingers... Inside of me.
5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10...
I continued until 10 new splashes of colour were on each arm.
I still feel the pain. Why hasn't it gone?
Not enough. It's not enough.
I pulled Jace's shirt over my head. Not caring when the material caught on my freshly made art work. I deserved the pain.
I threw it to the floor revealing my pale, fat, muscleless tummy.
I started my assault of diagonal and vertical lines. The blood running down my stomach contrasted perfect with my pale complexion.
I didn't stop until I'd passed out from blood loss.
A total of 36 new cuts decorating my body.