Cold Hands

Final

Yeojin POV*

She was everything to me.

She easily made me smile and laugh and easily made my day.

I lived for her and would do anything in the world for her.

I looked forward to every moment I had with her and cherished it like the blood in my veins.

We went on so many dates together and I was glad to call her mine.

her smiles never reached her eyes

She would hold my hand to keep them warm whenever I complained about them being cold, and even gave me her jacket a few times.

I was happy.

And I thought she was too.

Our hands intertwined as we watched movies together, cuddled up next to each other.

her body was stiff

We were each other's firsts.

First loves.

"I-I think I like you Yerim."

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"I like you too."

First girlfriends.

"Um...Y-Yerim? Do you think we can...be girlfriends?"

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"Sure"

And first kisses.

We stared at each other, my eyes gazing down at her cute and beautiful lips. I slowly and naturally leaned in, my eyes fluttering shut before I felt my lips brush hers ever so gently.

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but she was stiff

I think deep down I knew it was going to happen.

I looked at her like she was the universe.

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While she didn't even look back at me.

A little voice in my head told me it was and I was the reason, yet I still managed to ask her why.

"Yerim...Why? We were so happy-" I started but she cut me off.

"You were happy, you were the one that wanted this, not me. You never even thought of me or what I truly wanted, Yeojin."

And then she told me the truth.

"I never loved you Yeojin."

From then on, my hands were cold.

Day #1078

I see her in the halls every day. The smile on her face which used to bring me joy, now brings me pain.

Everytime she passes by me my heart always stops, because she never fails to steal my heart.

I wondered everyday if I really meant anything to her at all, because she seems so happy and well off without me.

Does she even remember me?

Does she even remember what we had?

Does she even remember us?

I don't know.

And I'm too much of a coward to say that I'll ever know.

I hate how this affected me so much, like the Earth has just split in half for me, but she doesn't even bat an eye.

Everyone notices the difference in me. Usually I would laugh and smile at the stupidest things and be loud. But now, my face has forgotten to smile.

I've forgotten how to laugh, I've even forgotten what my own voice sounds like.

I never do any of the class or homework, because it just hurts too much for me to write.

It hurts too much for me to think.

Why do you, the one that hurt me most, get to be happy?

When I'm in so much pain.

Your smile hurts me.

The sound of your laughter hurts me.

Hell, even your beauty hurts me.

Why were you able to move on so quickly, when I still can't for the past three years?

Tell me, why I still think of you when you've probably forgotten who I am.

The pain is too much to bear, everyday it feels like more and more of me is dying.

I gave you my heart and you took it, but you never gave it back.

I gave you my all and you took it for granted.

We weren't always like this, and it hurts me to say that I miss those days.

Even if you were just using me, even if you were just playing with my feelings.

Everyone around me tells me that I'll heal with time, and that I'll eventually move on. It's been three years so why can't I move on? Why is it so hard for me to get rid of you? Why do you invade my mind every second? Why do you make it so hard to breathe? And the funny thing is, I don't have long to breathe.

You used to make my hands warm whenever they were cold, used to wipe away my tears when I was sad, and used to comfort me when I was upset. But now, you're the reason why my hands are cold, the reason that I cry and the reason that I need comforting.

I hate that my last thoughts and words are of you, yet you aren't the last person I see or hold. But you were the last person to hurt me.

This is my last love letter to you. To the person who I love and hate in indespicable measures at the same time.

I love you for the moments you gave me and also hate you for them.

And these are my last words before my last breath.

Why won't you talk to me Yerim? The pain makes it hard to write.

*end*