A screech scratched through my eardrums, the sticky tears held my eyelids like glue. Trying hard to see what was going on, but the darkness was the only thing I could see. I could feel. Just nothing was there but noises. Felt hollow- numb. I needed my stress reliever, and that stress reliever probably didn't even need me. I was lost, more than delusional, and hollow. Hollow was the only thing that could describe me really, I was nothing but a breather. That is all I am right now. A breather. Not a singer. A breather. Not a lover, but a breather. Nothing more, definitely everything less.
"H-h-hey?" I called out slightly louder than I wanted to, I needed someone. Even if it was a crazy nurse, or someone mute. I needed my Twiggy. . . but he wasn't here with me. Beads of sweat started to slowly form, along with my heart raising quicker. But I am loosing sanity, loosing warmth that carries me and tones me down for the days.
Eventually I couldn't take it anymore, my stomach was emptied and the taste in my mouth wasn't pleasant. Gagging through the taste of old, wrinkly pussy.
Shivering, I stumbled around the room, having know clue as to how I got out of the ropes. Quickly tip toeing through the molted cum stained walls. I could see some shadows every now and then through some rooms, but they didn't come close enough. The cracked tiled floor, was freezing and I couldn't tell what types off powder, or liquid scattered about.
*
Quickly running as fast as I could out the hospital, lepping over concrete chunks, trash blowing everywhere. The moon was hiding behind the trailer park, so the night must be old. My brain kept blanking and tugging me back at such a slow pase it seemed almost too fast. I couldn't bare see my legs and the ground before me looked almost white. Even though it wasn't it was dirty, grassy, junked up surface.
Breathless and very cold, I held my forearm. Listening to the loud rap word music that filled the rotting away neighborhood park. Gangsters sat on their porches drinking, or walking around, eyeing me over like I'm some hooker. However, very unclothed and vulnerable I fell to a level that I had to face.
I asked where my subdivision could be, "How'd you end up here?" A man, taller and wider than me, stood up. Several others soon stood next to him, more for show than I hope for anything else.
"Had a rough night."
"Really?"
I nodded slightly, feeling as if I'm not telling the truth well enough.
He shrugged slightly, "Will bring you back to your house if you have money."
A huge relief passed by me, letting my guard down and hoping these guys don't rape me in their car. "I can do that," he nodded and the two men led me to a Cadillac. The back seat was opened up for me, and I crawled in. Inspecting the beer bottles and scraps or food around me, feeling again like I'm apart of this gunk. Even a crusty condom was on one of the seats, looking up nervously at the rear view mirror. Seeing myself for the first time in who knows what time.
I only had myself to blame for getting in this mess, I shouldn't have yelled at Stephen. Should of just let his insults roll off, I shouldn't have been some asshole. More importantly, why did I follow that one person? I was so freaking lost. . . So utterly dazed from some substance that I shot up into my veins, it wasn't herion. . . they said it was. . . but I know what herion does to you.
Gazing about the streets, I kept thinking of what it felt like being in that place. The scent of urin and other fragrances kept syncing into my brain. Soon I'd be used to the repulsive memorie I had to go through... All of those days, or hours, or maybe just minutes kept going by and I would never even know how long I stayed there... need to ask Jeoride. He doesn't care I don't think anymore... just ask someone else.
