Famous Expirations

A blonde woman in her mid-twenties and wearing a blue jumpsuit with the Celebrideath logo on the lapel introduced herself as Diana. She tapped her microphone as the bus worked its way down McGilvra Boulevard towards Lake Washington Boulevard East. The big, blue, forty seat tour bus had seats that faced sideways like a movie theatre and in front of them, along the entire length, was InfoGlass™. It screamed celebrity tour and although the neighbors had protested, the final word was that the company brought business to the greater Seattle area.

"Kurt Cobain, a true son of Seattle, spent his last days here at number 171. If you look up to your right, you'll see the house as we round this corner." She smiled thinly.

"He is considered part of a group of young artists over the course of the last forty years to die at age twenty-seven. That list includes stars like Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix." A few nods, a few ooohs, "Incidentally, both Joplin and Hendrix tours are available in Hollywood and London respectively. Check out Celebrideath's website for more information." She paused, "Now as we come to a stop, I'd like you all to look up to the window right above the garage. Right there, in that room, Cobain took his own life. Now sit back and let us show you just how it all happened.

The InfoGlass™ came to life, seeming to map an overhead blueprint of the room. It was a simple crime scene map with rudimentary outlines of what looked like a body, a rifle, a smattering of loose objects and a paper-sized square on a bench. A few of the tourists looked disappointed by the view. Diana smirked to herself. They would all have their minds blown as promised. She saw it every time. The bus was suddenly filled with people on the literal edge of their seats.

"You will see," Diana solemnly began, "The square item beside the body. That is the suicide note Kurt left behind. I will not read the entire note to you but I will show you an excerpt." She pushed a button and the image of the note came forward. It was out of focus except for the passage that Diana began to read, "I have a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become...," She paused for a fraction of a second, "strong stuff."

One girl, she could not have been over twenty-five, wept. There was almost always one. But the interesting thing was that it was almost always someone that wasn't alive during Cobain's life. It was someone younger who almost always proclaimed they just loved the music. Diana nodded slowly.

"I'll hazard a guess that a few of you weren't even alive during Kurt's career, right? Show of hands. Don't be shy." A few people sheepishly raised their hands (including, Diana saw, the girl that was crying). "There you go! Nothing to be awkward about." The hands slowly went back down and Diana continued to speak. She moved up to the glass and smiled, her small microphone attached to her jumpsuit.

"Can anyone tell me what type of music Kurt was known for?" Nobody answered. But Diana waited. There was always the small voice just waiting for the right moment.

"Um," started a girl who looked about fifteen, "Grunge?"

"That is correct! Great job!" a smattering of friendly claps, "His band, Nirvana, was considered to be at the forefront of the Grunge scene."

They were all waiting with baited breath but Diana first had to give The Explanation that absolved them of any issues. It also put a quick damper on the event but, as they always said at home base, cover all the angles, then wow them.

"One question we often get is how we at Celebrideath can do what we do. I am happy to answer that question in a roundabout way." Diana panned as a few folks chuckled. "Now you may not know this but the rights to his likeness were owned by his wife, Courtney Love. And she was tight with those rights. But around 2012 she gave up those rights for a loan. When this happened, Daniel Hertz approached Cobain's daughter, who now owned the rights, with his new and novel idea: Utilize his company's newest technology, RWND, to pull back the last minutes of Kurt's life." Shop talk made easy to digest, thought Diana. Just hit the main points and they'll stick with you, nodding and smiling as if it makes sense.