You Promised Me

Do you ever wish you could just… disappear?  Well, if you answered no to that, you’re lying, because everyone, at one point or another didn’t want to exist anymore. The only difference between if you answered yes and if you answered no. Would be how often you’ve thought it. Also how serious you were about it.  I used to wish it, at least once a day, and I was usually dead serious. Now before I get ahead of myself, let me fill you in a bit, and explain that day, the day it happened, the reason I didn’t speak to anyone for almost 7 months. The day she died. The she I’m talking about was my best friend. The only person I ever trusted, the only person I said I love you to, and believed it when she said it back. The only person I ever showed my paintings to. Her favorite was a flower with dark black on the outside, a grey color on the petals, and a pretty yellow in the middle.

She said she liked it because it was so simple, but meant so much. She believed it resembled me, and my personality. How I have a dark, harsh layer on the outside, but if you get to the second layer, I was nicer, and kinder, and when you got to the middle, it meant you really knew me because then you saw me when I was fun and happy. I always loved how she would find so much meaning in something so simple.  That’s what made her death even harder. The fact that I was just so attached to her; she was just such a big piece of my life. What I will never understand, is why she did it, why she felt she needed to die, why she killed herself.