His Little Fae

Dead of Night (II)

"People die,

beauty fades,

love changes.

But you will always be mine."
_________________________

I felt a weight lift from my shoulders after speaking with Victoria. Somehow, a silent part of me knew that our conversation was long overdue. Before, we were both so consumed by our anger that we didn't notice the thin middle ground that was in sight.

We had finally settled things. The two of us will probably never really get along; but at least, we'd no longer be getting in each other's way, that was for sure.

And although she didn't forget to mention the fact that she still hated me, at least now I knew that this strange chapter would soon be coming to a close.

A foe becomes an acquaintance.

I wonder if it'll stay at that.

Sighing, I turned the corner and finally saw the ornate double doors of my bedroom. Now that one thing was settled, there was still one more that needed to be smoothed out.

But not tonight.

Livius was almost certainly sleeping, and all I could do was thank the goddess for that, because I had no idea what I would say to him if he weren't. Even after two weeks, I still didn't know where to begin.

Sure, I was still mad at him for defending Victoria, and even if she'd just apologized (well, sort of), that did not excuse his actions. How many other people would he choose over me? How many other friends and family members? How many?

I doubt my soul could take another situation like this.

I couldn't handle these confusing feelings again.

Sure, I'll acknowledge that maybe I had gotten just a teensy bit too angry. And as much as I hated it, I did feel bad for telling him that I hated him, especially since I'd seen the clear hurt in his eyes after I'd uttered those three words.

They had simply rolled off my tongue before I could stop them.

Thing is, I knew he didn't deserve to be on the receiving end of them. I knew he shouldn't have ever had to hear them from me, his mate. His Queen.

And maybe I'm worrying too much about this. But I couldn't help it.

Those words of mine...

He didn't deserve them, not even after what he'd done. They were too strong to be tossed around so carelessly.

I couldn't imagine what I'd do if he'd ever said such a thing to me. If he'd ever looked me dead in the eye and uttered that same phrase. And yet... I'd done it so willingly.

For that, I had to apologize.

Not only to him, but to myself.

This entire time I'd convinced myself that he was a cruel, horrible person for making me deal with Victoria on my own, and refusing to side with me. But how could I have allowed myself to forget?

How could I have let all those special moments slip from my conscious? How could I say such a horrible thing without fully agreeing with it myself? How could I hurt us both like that?

'I hate you. I hate you both so fuckin much.'

You idiot. You fuckin idiot.

I inhaled deeply, whilst grabbing fistfuls of my hair, as though that would make it any better.