Finding Life

Boyfriend Number One

One of my friends, a guy, was six years older than me and from the first time I saw him I fancied him. He became part of our group when he was introduced by Dannii who was his step sister.

Alec always knew I liked him as more than a friend but because of the age difference we both knew it wouldnt be appropriate to be involved with eachother. He started a relationship with a girl called Kelly who happened to be Dibz's brothers girlfriends daughter and was 17.

I felt jealous everytime I saw them together, which was pretty often as we were all friends but I think Alec made a concious effort not to be too lovey-dovey with her around me.

One evening Kelly and Alec walked me home after we'd been out with everyone. All the way home Alec was flirting with me and Kelly just laughed it off but I was sure he was being serious. She blatently knew I liked him but it came as a massive shock to me when she told him to kiss me before they left me at my door. He didnt argue with her and I was stunned as his lips came crashing down on mine. The kiss lasted far longer than it should have. I pulled away from him even though I didnt want to and ran indoors without saying anything.

It was never mentioned again. Well, I told Dibz about it and of course we went over every confusing detail but after that, nothing. It was my first kiss but such a let down. It wasnt with my boyfriend, it was with someone elses in front of his girlfriend and then just forgotten about.

I felt so confused. Did it mean anything at all to him like it did to me? Probably not. Another let down.

Just before Christmas when I was fifteen I was chatting to Alec on MSN. He was telling me that him and Kelly had split up since i'd last seen them. Apparently things had been rocky since he kissed me. A song came on the radio just as he asked me what i was up to so i told him i was listening to 'Dontcha' by the Pussycat Dolls followed by typing the lyrics 'Dontcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me'. He replied that she was. Great. He'd moved on already. Or so I thought. He went on by telling me that was his was of asking me out and I couldnt believe it. I would be sixteen in a couple of months so it seemed ok that he was 21. Atleast it wouldnt be long before I was at the legal age for intimacy.

So, we started going out. Mum and Dad had known Alec for almost as long as I had and they were happy for me.

Now, at school, I to could talk about my boyfriend. A real boyfriend. Some of my friends were jealous of me having an older guy. Old enough to drink alcohol and have tattoos.

Things were going good. Two weeks before my 16th birthday i was ready. I lost my virginity to him in a very anticlimax experiance. I loved him but the earth didnt move like it was supposed to. It was pleasurable but not half as much as i'd expected.

The next day, at school, i excitedly told my friend who I knew wasnt a virgin anymore because she had spoke of her experiance sleeping with a lad from school during lunch break, at his house. I was a bit sore down there and we had a laugh about how she was aswell.

There were good times and bad ones in our relationship. The sex improved as I gained more experiance and we became more intune with eachother but it didnt stop him cheating on me.

One night, we were at a wedding reception and Alec had had a fair bit to drink. He asked me if we could start a fresh and forget all the bad times. I thought it was a bit strange but agreed anyway thinking things would be better. Then after a few more drinks and an argumemt with his dad he spilled. He'd been on the Stag Do, got drunk and kissed some girl. He only admitted to kissing her but i suspected more. Either way, it wasnt acceptable but stupid as I was he was in a bad way following the row with his dad who tried telling him he wasnt his dad, fuled by alcohol, I let him stay at mime for the night, albeit in the spare room. Alec was the spitting image of his father so the mere suggestion was ridiculous but it hurt Alec and my soft side couldnt bare him being that upset, even if I was just as upset after his revelation.

The following morning I officially broke up with him when i woke him up. He couldnt remember telling me about him cheating but didnt deny it. I hid in my bedroom until he left, crying my eyes out. We'd been together almost two years and I did honestly love him.

Now I had to deal with my break up as well as keeping my mum and dad together and the bullies at school whilst trying to focus on my exams but Dibz was there for me as always and after my final exam i spent the following six weeks practically living at her house. It did me wonders. She reminded me that now school had finished I never had to speak to any of the people that gave me hell for the most part of my childhood.