Jennie.
So beautiful. So familiar. How smoothly it rolls of my tongue whenever I say it.
Jennie. Jennie. Jennie...
I cannot begin to count the number of times I have said your name over the years. Tracing the letters across your naked back, in that moment of calm- after fucking each other senseless beneath the sheets
Jennie.
Do you remember the first time I spoke your name?
_____
The famous Club in Seoul was packed. Standing room only. A sea of dancing bodies in front of me. Music thumping, spotlights spinning- flickering images of Andy Warhol projected onto screens.
I weaved through the crowd, pausing every often to look for a new route, a slim gap, any opportunity to squeeze past and get to the front of the stage.
Then it happened.
The girl standing next to me collapsed to the floor.
_____
All you needed was a little air.
That's what you told me.
So I took tou outside and we stood on the corner, two strangers leaning against an old brick wall by the club. Saturday night traffic, horns honking, cruising bumber to bumper along the boulevard.
That was the very first time you told me your name.
My ears straining to hear it over the traffic noise. I had to ask you again. When i repeated it back to you, I struggled to pronounce it correctly.
You burst out laughing.
I tried to hide my embarrassment. My eyes staring down awkwardly at my feet as you said your name again.
"Jennie," I said, sounding out each syllable with careful precision.
"Perfect!" you replied with a beaming gummy smile. Your dark feline eyes staring deeply into mine.
And that's when everything changed in a split of second.
I was struck by a sudden thunderbolt of overwhelming emotions.
Giddiness.
Goosebumps.
An intoxicating cocktail of excitement, attraction, and desire.
You reach out for my hand and held it in yours. "Now I've told you my name, I'm dying to hear yours."
Just as I was about to say it, you leaned in and kissed me quickly on the lips. Silencing me in an instant.
"No rush," you said with a coy smile. "Come, walk with me a little."
"Sure," I said. "We could head down to Dongdaemun Night Market if you want. Perhaps get some dumplings. I know a late-night place that makes incredible ones."
"How did you know? I fucking love dumplings!"
"Serendipity, I guess," I replied laughing.
You squeezed my hand and pulled me closer.
Your lips gently touching my ear.
"I just love it when the stars collide," you whispered.
_____
Jennie.
How many times have I said your name tonight?
And all the other nights.
Sitting here by your hospital bed waiting for you to wake up.
Holding your hand. Brushing your hair. Recounting all the stories we told each other.
Can you hear me, my love?
I haven't slept much lately. And when I do, the nightmares return.
Jagged images flashing out of sequence.
Your naked body crumpled on the bathroom floor. The shower running. Flashing ambulance lights.
Cradling you in my arms. Heavy raindrops exploding in slow motion on the pavement. She just needs a little air...
The doctors said there was nothing I could have done. The brain tumor on the X-ray confirmed it. But I can't stop myself from thinking, if only I had gotten home five minutes earlier.
All I can do now is hope for a miracle.
Pray for those beautiful feline eyes will open again.
And our stars will collide once more.
