The Big Skinny -Twilight-

"Things are never as bad as they seem."

Harper did this thing where she decided meaningless shit, and called them her "Certainties for Life." She did it all the time, much to the annoyance of her parents and anyone else that knew about them. She had decided 3 things were for certain, within the five minutes between her getting to an exam room and the doctor arriving. One: hospital gowns were as itchy as they were thin. Two: if the gowns were meant for modesty, then they should not be so damn thin, or white. Honestly, she needed a fucking blanket, or her nipples were going to rip through the front of this gown so quick that the pretty new doctor would hardly have time to blush. Which leads her to number Three: Dr. Cullen was too damn pretty. 

For God's sake, he was so attractive it was almost obscene. And he was YOUNG. Harper thought maybe being that pretty should be illegal, but that wouldn't be fair, even if being the epitome of a ray-of-the-fucking-sun makes his patient's feel so inadequate they're likely to stress eat a tub of Ben & Jerry's while crying in the mirror. Maybe that was her parent's new tactic to get her to eat, but that may be giving them too much credit. If her namesake taught anyone anything, it may as well have been, "you can't choose your family." Just as well she can't either, because sending her to the doctor alone for once under the guile of "you're mature enough to go to the doctor alone now," made her want to chuck them both out the window. Wankers. They just didn't want to be here. 

"Harper Lee Wright, 16, Female, Caucasian; chief complaint: anorexia nervosa," said Dr. Sunshine. So now she had this young, pretty, new doctor, to tell her all of her faults and blah blah blah. She was determined not to like her new doctor, but Dr. Murphy had moved away, so she had to go to someone.

"I wouldn't say that's my complaint, but it is my parents'," retorted Harper. She watched as he fought a smile starting at the corner of his lips, and thought, okay, maybe this Dr. Cullen wouldn't be the worst doctor she'd ever had, since he laughed at her joke (cue victory-rendition of La Macarena in her head). Harper saw him glance further into the chart. She liked to call it the Ark of the Chart, like the Ark of the Covenant, which admittedly was  a bit dramatic, but nothing good ever came from looking too hard at her chart. No siree, Bob. 

"Your BMI is just above 16, Ms. Wright, I'd say that's a complaint for anyone." He studied her closely for a reaction, but Harper wasn't going to give any. Not. A. Thing. Not after he just killed her tiny, mental victory dance. She was back to being undecided about The-New-Guy.

 To be honest, she never thought too hard about her weight, other than to keep it down. Objectively, she knew that maybe her weight was an issue, but at this point compulsory need to count calories and exercise was part of her routine. Besides, eating more than what she did made her feel guilty, and, for lack of a better word, down right icky. How's that for maturity? She decided her fourth Certainty in that moment: she was going to quote To Kill A Mockingbird at him. 

She liked to do that when she was annoyed. It was her way of annoying the annoying person she was talking to, as well as annoying the annoyance right out of her and replacing it with amusement, if that made any sense. Harper looked at the chart with her eyebrow raised, mockingly, and started with her favorite quote, "Things are never as bad as they seem." Maturity be damned, she was going to give this doctor the full test run like a new car.

Dr. Sunshine-Flows-From-My-Non-Existent-Pores looked ready to reply, but was cut off by a "duh-doop" on his phone. "My apologies, Harper, I forgot to turn my phone off before your appointment," he said. She waved him off; she really didn't mind, it wasn't like she was jonesing to hear his soapbox. Harper made herself look away after she caught him smirk at his cellphone; she'd like to give some modicum of privacy to people, even if she didn't get any with this God forsaken tie-up cotton prison she was wearing. 

"Harper Lee Wright, are you named after the author? It's a clever play on your last name, I have to admit."

She was started slightly, and her eyes snapped back to his; no one she had ever quoted-at had known her namesake, but to be fair all of those people were angsty teenagers. She bit down her snarky attitude to answer the good doctor, you know, for maturity's sake, and explained why her parents named her after the famous author. "Yeah, my parent's met in high school and got partnered up for a book report on To Kill a Mockingbird." 

This tidbit got Dr. Cullen to look back up from the Ark of the Chart; he had gone back to reading the damned thing after he put his phone away. Hopefully, she could distract him enough so that he will only have a few minutes to preach and give her his proposed new diet plan. She was praying for that actually, and she'd been told that prayer works.

"Harper, I know you may not want to talk about this, but I would like to address your eating habits, and work on a plan with you, if that's alright? Based on your BMI and previous records, you have Moderate Anorexia Nervosa, and you're on the border of severity. I am worried about you."

Prayer apparently does not work for the spawn of atheists, damn. 

Harper's fifth Certainty, was that Dr. Cullen was, in fact, annoyingly kind. She had made 5 certainties already, and it had only been 15 minutes, that had to be some sort of record for her. She decided it was entirely warranted to continue with the Fourth, and quote more TKaM at him. After all, mature adults were all about consistency and finishing what you started. 

"People generally see what they look for, hear what they listen for." At this, Dr. Baywatch smiled, but was not deterred. He knew what she was doing. Apparently, this Cullen guy was as smart as he was pretty, which ultimately boiled down to Harper resisting the mightiest of mighty sighs, as he continued with the appointment. She was hardly listening though, and nodded along, letting him continue talking. Apparently, this "new car" ran just fine, and hardly needed her to steer it, hell, it even had self-automated navigation. "Since you agreed to a diet plan, we'll be seeing each other more often." Wait what? 

Harper was drawn out of her metaphors and looked at the doctor, and she could've sworn she saw the corner of his mouth twitch upward. That little sneak. Admittedly, nodding at everything someone says without listening is not likely to end in a desired result, but she decided not to fight it, since Parental Unit 1 and 2 had mentioned wanting to change the previous plan anyway. 

"I'd like to see you for weekly weigh-ins, and monthly appointments to go over everything and to make adjustments. I'll tell Sarah out at the front desk when to book your appointments, and she'll write up an appointment card for you. It was nice to meet you Ms. Wright, I'll see you on Friday." And with that, Dr. Cullen shook her hand and left the room. 

Harper had decided her sixth and last Certainty during this thirty minute appointment (definitely a record). She was entirely certain, with no if, ands, or buts, that she kind of, maybe,  liked Dr. Cullen--but only a little bit.

A/N: If you haven't already noticed, I wanted to mention that all quotes from To Kill a Mockingbird are in bold. I do not own any part of To Kill a Mockingbird. 

--This is unbeta'd and was put together at 3 in the morning. So, I'm aware that its a bit of a crack fic, but I just wanted to get an idea out on the page. Happy reading!