Heide sat in her bedroom laying down on her back as she looked up at the plain white ceiling. Her eyes looked back and forth between the light and the ceiling as she saw shadowy figures dance across the plain white walls, she closed her eyes once. She opened them again and sighed deeply as she closed the again and pulled the cover over her face as a tear slid down her cheek. As she flipped and turned throughout the night as her dreams terrified her, all she could think of was not wanting her to suffer.
She awoke the next morning and clicked the home button on her phone and squinted her eyes as the bright light shone in her dark brown eyes. She immediately opened her text messages hoping for a reply. Nothing. She closed her eyes and clicked the off button holding the phone close to her chest as she slowly whispered to herself "It's going to be okay." She opened her eyes and she pulled out her diary which was written about a year ago. She stood up to flip the light switch as her phone beeped twice. Her head turned and she looked at it as her pointer finger flipped the switch up. She slowly walked back over to her bed, opening her messaging app receiving a message from someone who was fairly important to her, but it wasn't who she was hoping for. She tossed her phone back as she stared at the diary in her hands.
She already knew what was in there, but yet she carried the memories with her everyday. Heidi knew that she was holding onto someone who didn't want her. So many mistakes had been made between the two of them. Lies were told, promises were broken, insults had been made, unimportant things came in between the two of them. The bond between a father and daughter is supposed to be unbreakable. No one was supposed to come between them, the daughter was supposed to be spoiled and the father love him with all her heart, taking her to ballet recitals. False. Not in the real world. The truth is always going to be hidden, you have to go out and find it for yourself, Heidi learned that the hard way. Her father, wasn't all that. She has a certain hatred pointed towards him and she has her reasons.
Heidi looked at the diary and opened and it looking at one of the entries and she read it aloud "I was supposed to be his treasure, I'm supposed to be the one he cares about. I'm supposed occupy his whole heart." she said pausing as she wiped some of the tears away from her face "Not her, I'm the daughter, your oldest daughter. People say blood doesn't matter for family, family is family. But when your twelve and you have an unwelcome step sister, it matter a whole lot." She closed her eyes as memories flashed back and forth as she cried more. Heide continued to read slowly "You chose her over me, you wont come pick me up, but you yell at me, making me feel worthless because I don't come see you. A relationship takes effort from both sides, not one." She closed her eyes tightly as she began to cry more, sniffing every few seconds to keep her cries of pain inside.
No one had broken her down so much, she was so tough. At school she was it, what people said, it didn't matter to her. All she could think was screw their opinions. Why should I care? Heidi didn't;t care, she was tough and had a good heart. A broken one, with an empty hole that deepened by the hour. The other side was filled with joy and happiness, provided by her mother. A teen mother. Her parent were sixteen and seventeen when she was born. Heide doesn't remember her early memories of her father, but from what she's heard he was amazing. He was there, for her and her mother. But at a point and time he cheated and her mom was wise. A strong proud woman, who left him with her daughter raising her by herself with the help of her family.
The first memory she remembers of him is when they were at the old big blue house, she looked at him and he lifted her up to look over the ledge which was a view of the living and dining room area. She laughed and giggled because they were so high up, the good times. When you knew he cared and all he wanted was his little girl to be happy. Present day him, not so wise and not so loving. Heidi sat in her bead with her head her knees as she continued thinking of how her father didn't't love her. Her father loved another wooman's daughter, who was the exact same age as her. His love for Rhia and her mother was too strong. They made him feel whole and she didn't.
When Heide and her father were still on speaking terms and he actually picked her up, he'd always look at her with his cap turned around, with one hand on the steering wheel and say "You know I love you right? You know your mine?" and flash a wide smile with his perfect white teeth. Which he always bragged about saying that Heide got her teeth from him.
She'd never forget how he always played her on words, he always said something that was the opposite from his actions. At some point she had to choose which to believe, the right choice was to believe his actions, the one that made her feel better in the moment was his words. Heide stopped thinking and let her go blank and come back to present day as she closed her diary and shoved it back in her night stand bottom drawer under her favorite stack of movies. She lifted her blue glasses off her face as she lifted both her hands up to wipe away the tears. She stood up with her mix matched socks and opened her bedroom door putting on a smile as she walked past all the toys left out on the floor and up the stairs tp have breakfast with the positive side of her heart.
Heide sat down at the table in a chair facing her mother's back as she flipped pancakes and french toast in sweat pants and a t-shirt with her hair tied up in a messy pony tail. She looked over at her sisters Emily and Kelly smiling a little as they both said "Morning Heide." Heide smiled a little as she scratched behind her ear and said "Good morning." looking down a little and thinking 'the pain won't last forever.' She smiled at her mother as she passed out the plates setting hers in front of her folded arms that rested lightly on the table. She picked up the fork and the knife as she slowly cut the roundish pancake into smaller pieces. The syrup bottle slowly made its way across the table making it's way towards her as she slowly watched the syrup drizzle across all of the little pieces. A fake smile spread across her face as she said "Thank you." and stabbed the first piece with her fork lightly shoving in her mouth as she saw his small head with his cap on backwards with his perfect little teeth envisioned on eavh piece as she stabbed it, directly in his teeth.
After Heide finished she grabbed her plate and headed back down the 17 stairs and the 45 steps to get back into to her secured safe bedroom. She closed the door slightly as she sat back down on her bed pulling her phone out as she crossed her legs thinking about how all she wanted was her little sisters on her father's side to have a good father. Although she knew her half sister Brea was never going to know him, seeing as she lived in another state. Which absolutely sucked, at the age of three you'd only seen your biological father a few times. But Laila, Heide had hope for her. After all she was the daughter that lived with him, seeing as he in engaged to her mother and lives with her two daughters. So out of her two sisters on his side, she may be the luckiest. I wish her the best of luck, with only being a baby. Because, knowing and having him in your life, brings unbearable pain.
Heide leaned back, resting her head against the wall as she closed her eyes and thought about how she always fought with Rhia. They would yell at each other for hours, screaming. Both their parents worked nights so they stayed at home with the oldest who's age was sixteen at the time. A year ago, Heide remembered looking at her with such rage in her eyes as Rhia said "He's my dad too!" with so much anger in her voice. She sat there for a moment before sitting up to say "He is not! He is mine! He is on my birth certificate, he made me, and just because your dad is a worthless piece of crap, does not mean you can steal mine." before standing up to run off to her own room slamming the door.
I sat there with my head in my knees crying because i knew the truth, he wasn't just mine anymore. i was selfish because I wanted him, I wanted him to stop hooking up with a woman who looked like a prostitute with her red devilish her with her bastard children and I wanted them to leave me and my dad the hell alone. Because he is mine. He will always be mine and I will fight for him. My head sat resting against the locked door keeping the demon children away from my broken heart as I slept on the cold carpeted floor with tear stains beginning to form beneath my eyes. Hours later I woke up to banging on the door by Rhia. I stood up angrily opening the door as I looked at her with rage in my eyes with tear stains.
