Reality Check

202 Accepted

March - 8 months old

Hello friend. Sorry, I haven't talked to you in a while... you'll have to forgive me but, taking care of a child by yourself isn't that simple. Darlene left about two months after he was born but comes to say Hi every now and then; She's so good with him, she'd make a good mother. He's eight months old now and I don't know why but that first month after he was born was the last time I saw Mr. Robot. He's been gone ever since. He didn't say he was leaving, just, stopped showing up. I'm kind of lonely now... I got used to Darlene's constant presence and Mr. Robots' visits, like an idiot. It's just me and Alex now, I don't want him to feel like I do. I try my best to entertain him; I take him out on walks in his stroller, I play with him on the floor - I can't even count how many times I've woken up on the ground next to a happy gurgling infant. 

Flipper loves him too, she likes playing with him a lot. At first, I was kind of scared to let her near him; I had no idea how she would react to a new human in the apartment but, it's fine now. She doesn't bite or anything, to the contrary, she licks him every time she can get to him so I have to watch out for that. I take Alex out to the park sometimes, he likes playing with other kids in the sandbox, not that he does much other than trying to eat the sand but he likes the company of others like him. He tries to talk to them but he can't form words yet, anything that comes out of his mouth are two sometimes three repeating syllables like baba and dada. Although he says dada more than anything else, especially when I hold him, maybe he's actually trying to talk to me... Nah. It's probably just fun for him. 

He' been coming with me to my appointments with Krista but I feel like it needs to stop, he's gonna understand things soon and I don't want him to have any memories of it. It's not right. The first few appointments following the one where Krista met Alex were a lot of catching up and explaining to her my journey until this point. It's helped me a lot I won't lie, I'm not as worried as I was before he was born. I think I'm gonna have to enroll him into a Daycare or something but I'm not ready yet, I feel like he's safer with me but there are times when I can't take him with me. He's starting to walk too; although he still mostly falls back after a few steps, still, the better he gets at it the harder it's gonna be to watch him, he's gonna start exploring things and... What if I lose him? God. I stopped breastfeeding him as well, I began bottle feeding him formula a few weeks ago, he seems to be doing fine. I've been also trying to give him some baby food but he always makes a mess instead of eating it. His pediatrician says he's hitting all his milestones so that's good. I really thought he'd have developmental problems because of me but luckily he's alright. I have to be careful not to forget any of his toys on the floor because Flipper thinks they're hers and bites them, especially his teething toys, I always have to make sure they're on a table or something. He really is a handful. 

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May - 10 months old

I've arranged for him to be at Daycare when I'm at Krista's, that way he can socialize a bit more rather than be bored in a room with two adults. Today is just a regular day, I was sitting on my computer, finishing a job for some cash. Alex is on the floor exploring, the older he is, the more curious he gets I've noticed. Right as I finished, I heard him giggling like mad. What is he doing? I walked over to him, he was halfway behind the couch; Flipper sitting behind him waiting for him to emerge. I pulled him out of there and held him up in my arms.

"What are you doing Baby? What's so funny?"

I never retired the nickname 'Baby' because it made it easier to bond with him once he was born. He giggled again and I noticed he was holding something in his hand.