Shining Stars

Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Every few weeks or so I go and visit Augustus' grave. I always try to put it off because when I stand on the ground in which he is buried its a constant reminder that he's gone. His brilliant mind has been silenced and his eyes closed permanently.

But I go because its as close as I cam get to being with him again. Sometimes I talk to him, tell him things that no one else but him would understand. And so a week after my job interview I purchased a bouquet of flowers and drove to his graveside. The cemetery is always quiet, no nearby roads or houses. Just fields as far as the eye can see.

Hos grave only holds the flowers I last left. Hid parents always lay some when they are in town, which isn't often. It upsets me that I'm the only one who visits regularly, considering so many people loved Gus in life they don't show it in death.

I feel the rage boil up inside ne but I compose myself. I walk through the tombstones, some so old that you cant even read the names inscribed upon them anymore. I know the location of Gus' gravestone off by heart now. I don't even look where my feet are leading me, the map is all memorised in my brain.

I stare down at his name, and the photograph of him before his bad days. Its so unfair that he won his first battle with cancer, yet lost the war.

" He was too perfect for this world, and so the angels reclaimed him."

Isaac had once told me, and I had replied with, "More like the angels stole him."

If god exists then why does he take all the good people out of the world? What good does it do to take all the kind people and leave the bastards behind? I stand still for a moment with the bouquet of flowers in my hand

I listen for a moment. All I can hear is my even breaths, the wind rustling the leaves and a few bird songs. Its peaceful here, a perfect place for tortured souls to rest in. I lie the flowers neatly on the ground, making sure he can read my message on the tag.

The message never changes, it always says, "I miss you so much, I'll love you forever. Love from Hazel Grace."

I'm the only one in the graveyard, usually I don't like being here alone but today I don't mind. I have business to discuss with Augustus.

"Well.... How are things at your end?" I ask.

Originally I felt stupid asking questions when I knew I wouldn't receive an answer but now I can't start talking to him without asking how he is. It just feels more natural.

"Things are okay for ne, although it could be better. Isaac and I aren't talking, him and Monica got back together."

I exhale before continuing,

"I've tried to amend things but he wont return my messages. I miss him, I miss you."

I never expect an answer or a sign, nothing from beyond the grace. I just like saying it aloud, all my thoughts and feelings and knowing that nobody can judge me for it. Even if Gus could somehow magically hear me he would never judge me, if anything he would wrap an arm around me and kiss my lips.

Whenever we used to kiss butterflies would swallow me up until the moment our lips met. Once I could taste his lips I would forget how nervous I was, and I would lose myself in the moment. And once it was over I'd be desperate for more, craving jt even. I'd kill for one more kiss, to taste his lips once more and feel his warmth radiate through me.

Its cruel that our loved ones are stolen from us, especially when they're too young. There's always going to be someone who outlives you, but Gus' own grandparents have outlived him, and that is very tragic. I always thought he would be the one mourning me. I was the grenade after all.