feelings • a jalyssa fanfic

• 1 •

Alyssa's POV

It's been 4 years since the beach incident. I still remeber it clearly. The knife stabbing through Leslie's thigh, the armed police chasing us, James hitting me with a gun so he could sav-

James.

The only boy whom I had feelings with, or most likely the second boy,  since I'm married to Todd. I like Todd. He's nice, smart, and apparently a good kisser.

But James.

I don't know if I still feel something with him, it's sort of... vague and somewhat, blunt. Like I don't know how to feel around him anymore, but of course he's probably living a life right now. A happy life, maybe he got a girlfriend, or so, a fiancè.

I never really got in touch with James until today. He never sent me a letter nor
visited me when he had the time. It's like he stopped caring about me or like I never existed or was a part of his life.

But enough of James, I like to talk about Todd.

Todd.

How do I begin with Todd? Well, we became a couple only because I asked him out for no reason. I just want to get into a relationship.

— flashback —

"Hey" I called Todd while sitting on his car, swinging my legs.

"Yeah?" He looked up and smiled.

"Should we get married?" I asked out of nowhere.

Then it was in utter silence.

The silence lasted for about 2 minutes then Todd replied

"Yeah fuck it why not?" He chuckled and kept on grilling what I think is fish.

Exactly, I smiled nervously, Fuck it.

I never really thought Todd would agree in such a request. A marriage.

We both got back at the cabin and announced to my mum and aunt that Todd and I will get married.

She was giggling in excitement. She never was happy by anything then, until now.

She's really thrown off with the whole thing.

Mum used her and Tony's divorce money to pay the wedding bills.

Three days later the wedding event happened.

I was happy. For the first time in my 20's I found happiness again, I had feelings again.

I was happy with Todd, very happy.

— end of flashback —

But then that numbness came again.

My life was back into that dull boring feeling.

Yes I was happy with Todd, but never the same.

My happiness vanished, it's like it was a temporary feeling.

That happiness will never be the same with the happiness I felt with James.