In Another Life

end

Jammed-pack seats. Endless crowds. Deafening screams and claps as the people clap and dance to the beats of the songs.

I can't help but think, if you were still here, would you be there in the crowd to show your support to me too?

"V, your up in 20 seconds!" A staff yelled, telling me to be at my position.

I've done this so many times yet it still feels like its the first time.

Im nervous. Okay tae, deep breathes.

I close my eyes as the stage lifted me up, i hear the screams get louder.

The spotlight turns to me, as i hear the familiar melody, Jennie. This one's for you,

"I can't beat my sad heart
again I'm enduring the dark and sleepless nights
without regard for my despair
the morning indifferently wakes me"

A small sad smile crept to my face as i sang the words, as i sang the song that you wrote.

I didn't know you were hiding deep pain all along. I didn't know that you were sad. I feel stupid Jen, we were together for years and yet I didn't noticed you hurting. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

"the wound burns more than expected
the hurt goes deeper than expected
the countless nights of resenting you are like hell to me"

I remember the day you broke up with me. Receiving a text from you, I thought it was just you texting random i love yous or your daily positivity messages. So when you texted me that you wanted to break up and that you didn't live me anymore, i got confused and got angry. And me seeing you with Seokjin just added fuel to my already raging fire.

Jennie, i wish you told me, we could've fought this together. But If only I had been more persistent and kept asking you what was the sudden break up all about, then I could've spent more time with you. I could've been there for your last days. Jennie, i am full of regret. I'm really sorry

"please stay at my side, please stay with me
please don't let go of the me who is holding your hand
if you go one step further away like this
I can just take one more step and that's enough"

Pouring my heart out, I didn't noticed the tears that escaped my eyes.

You wanted me to stay, but i walked away. If only I read through you. Jennie, I wasn't there the time you needed me. I wasn't there by your side when you needed a hand to hold. I wasn't there to comfort you during those difficult times. I failed you as a friend, i failed you as your boyfriend and i failed you as your lover. Again I'm sorry

"the thousands of times in one day
that I repeat and think of your appearance
the unforgiving worsd that I said to you
that icy gaze and those cold expressions"

So you were also hurt? I was so selfish. I still am. I am so dense, again sorry.

"you were an incredibly pretty person
you were an incredibly pretty person
please don't be like this to me, you know me well"

It's already been 3 years. Yet i still hold those memories of us, near my heart. I just wish we had more time.

I miss you, you and your gummy smiles. You were the best thing that ever happed to me. You are my favorite muse, and subject. You brought life and color to all my portraits and photos. You are beautiful Jennie, the fairest of them all


"oh girl
the words that you said so lightly at that time
made it so light, our relationship
I didn't know that 'being used to it' would be scarier than anything
I don't know your heart, up until we ultimately said a goodbye full of regret
as the days pass it gets bigger, the empty space you left
oh shit, even if we
give water to our flower bed that used to be so beautiful, the
full blooms have all become nothing but memories
only the scent of loneliness gushes forth
if I could see you again I,
i want to show you everything I have
my heart that's beating to hold you tight
I want to convey it all to you, I
for real for real
until you hold this sincerity in your embrace once again"

"just hold me, hold me a little
don't say anything and please just run to me
with a heart that's nothing but lonely and anxious
I'm waiting for you like this

I love you, I love you
in the long silence, a sound comes, screaming
from my foolish and weak heart"

I cleared my mouth and oped my eyes, that I didn't realized were closed the whole time.

"Everyone, 10 years ago, i met an angel. She was the one who stood by my side. She scolded me in those times i needed scolding. She cheered and supported me. And most importantly she believed in me,"

Deep breaths taehyung, deep breaths

"She was and still is my happiness, my safe haven, my guardian, my world. She was my angel. She fixed me even in those times i pushed her away. She didn't give up"

A tear escaped my eyes, and sudden aww's from the crowd were heard

"She turns 23 today. Hey Jen, I'm here fulfilling your last wish. It took me time, i know. It was hard without you here but life goes on. I love you and i will always do. I will always do."

"And, Jen. Thank you for coming to my life" i said as i walked down the stage.

Applauses where heard.

Yes, i have continued to pursue the art that lives in me. The art that you helped to grow, the art that you believed.

Jennie,