a dollar and three cents

Poker Face

Fifty years passed since that place was forced to shut down. Fifty years seemed like a long enough time, even though it wasn't.

His mother finally left, physically, but Jonah always had the impression that she disappeared a long time ago. Even before the incident, she was always frantic and wary. Often, she would forget what she was doing or where she was and cry out in panic. From time to time, she would mumble to herself and occasionally shouted the strangest things. There were always unknown cuts on her arm. These incidents started very subtly, but Jonah recognized that something was happening. His father, however, had always refused to believe his suspicions. He could not and would not believe that his mother needed help. "I know that she's not normal, but she'll be fine." Jonah wondered if it was a matter of pride.

During the night of the particular incident, she was found in the bathroom, thin blood dripping from the cuts on her arm. Jonah's father was so shocked that he forgot to keep the kids out. His little sister was afraid because she was innocent; she never looked at her mother in the same way again. Once his mother's case was out in the open, Jonah's father finally agreed to let his mother visit a doctor. The doctor kept suggesting different treatments after medications clearly didn't work: shock therapy and brain operations, and all sorts of appalling methods. His dad had whispered to Jonah, "They make her sound as if she's insane!" but Jonah gave no reply.

The doctor finally said that it would be best to transfer his mom to a special institution. His father protested but Jonah argued that it wasn't safe for his mom to stay. After a lot of crying and bitter truths, his father halfheartedly agreed. They did not let his mother know. "It is impossible to know how she would react," the doctor advised. But of course, she was not stupid and knew that something was different. His sister's face was so often filled with fear, and his father's face was filled with pity. As for Jonah, he kept his face as blank as possible so that his mother wouldn't feel offended. Jonah's relief was hidden so well that even he didn't know about it.

They dropped her off in a big and plain building. The site was not welcoming, despite the nurse's remarks, who tried to reassure his father that he did not make the wrong choice. Other nurses came and led his mother away. Jonah was hoping that she would turn her head to see them one last time. He wanted to see her face, even if it was filled with disappointment or anger or even fear. Anything, he silently begged, anything at all. But she was already too far gone, accepting her fate in a world that no one cared to understand.

a/n

i wrote this pretty recently for a writing competition. i'll see how i do... it took me forever to think of a title. i can't help thinking of the song when i read it, oh well. 

i wanted to write about this topic, but it was hard because i didn't want to romanticize or dramatize mental illnesses. in recent years, there is more awareness of mental illnesses, i think, but i don't think it helps with the overall image and stereotype. i hope this is ok.

i know not many people will read this, but i want to personally recommend a book called, I Never Promised You a Rose Garden. it's really well written

have a nice day :)

~awayxfromxhere