Sequoia

two - the garnet creek report

It took a week of focused efforts by the Lux Patrol Unit to set the Garnet Creek shifter community on a path to recovery. It was a long, emotionally draining week for the alpha's team, but even more difficult for the alpha herself. By the time they are loading up the vans to report back to their unit chief, Elder Willow, the alpha's team still doesn't know the sacrifice she had to make; but they can tell that something is off.

Without her shift she feels empty all of the time, like there is a black hole inside of her sucking up all of the good thoughts and feelings, leaving her consumed by darkness. The alpha avoided facing the feeling by putting up her alpha front and throwing herself headfirst into their work. While she had insisted her team take plenty of time to rest as they had fought hard beside shifters from the Garnet Creek community, the alpha refused to take even a ten-minute break. Lack of sleep and the slowly growing pit inside of her put her more and more on edge as the week that is now behind them progressed.

"Alpha Winter," her Beta calls to her from the other van. "We are all loaded up and set to drive, who would you like to take first shift?" The alpha can tell the beta is hopeful that the alpha would not appoint herself as a driver, but Beta Fern should know better by now.

"I will drive this van and Rain will drive the other. We will aim for a speed of 70 miles an hour and will stop for lunch and to switch drivers in two hours," the alpha turns to the van before she can see the disappointment in Fern's big, soft brown eyes. Alpha Winter is lucky that her team knows not to question her decisions when they are out on patrol.

"Yes, Alpha," chorus around the alpha as her unit members begin to pile into the vans, four in each. Her hand is on the driver's door before she remembers her shift and her heart sinks.

"Beta Fern," the alpha calls over her shoulder, willing her voice to be strong and unwavering through the tightness in her throat. "If you need anything, link Gamma Meadow," she doesn't offer any explanation or wait for a response before jumping up into the driver's seat and hiding behind her sunnies.

The drive drags on in silence and the unease in the van is palpable, making the air feel heavy to breathe. Finally, Meadow takes a deep breath and the alpha's shoulders tense, knowing what is coming before they say a word.

"Alpha Winter," Meadow's voice cracks. They clear their throat before starting again. "We know something happened with Amelia, you haven't been the same since you came back from chasing her into the woods," the alpha stays silent, not ready to dive into this, not yet.

"We want to help," Raven whispers from the back of the van. She is usually quiet, but now without her shift, Alpha Winter struggles to hear her. "We can't help if we don't know what happened."

"There's nothing you can do," tears burn the alpha's eyes before she can stop them. "I will tell you all what happened once we are with Elder Willow. I can't," it is the alpha's turn for her voice to crack under the pressure of grief, her heart clenches and drops. It's been a week and she can't even admit it to herself. How the fuck is she supposed to admit it out loud to the people that mean more to her than her own life?

Alpha Winter tries to take deep breaths but her body begins to shake anyway, pent up grief and anger all trying to boil over at once. Not now, she scolds herself. Stand up stronger Jen, you have to stand up stronger. Her unit can't do anything so they can't know until the alpha has a plan, until she can lead them through this. Jen jumps as a gentle hand is placed on her upper arm.

"Pull over, Alpha," Meadow soothes, their voice has returned to its usually smooth timber. "Let me drive us back so you can get some rest." Jen shakes her head furiously, her vision blurring from the tears and frustration. She has to take care of her team. She can't let them down, but she has this sinking feeling that she already has.