The Past is Undefining

Chapter 1: The Feeling of Heartbreak

Authors notes: Hey guys! If you are reading this you enjoy watching or being part of the hashtag on tik tok, #hogwartsprofessors. This is a story focused around Prof. Raine after Darling chooses Pine over him. But don’t feel sad! He finds his way. Though the journey is much longer and harder than one would expect. Please enjoy.

Anything italicized is personal thoughts! Bold lettering is strictly author notes.

Chapter 1: The Feeling of Heartbreak.

Raine stared at the invitation. Why? Why would they invite them to their wedding? Doesn’t that seem odd considering he and Pine competed for Darling? Or perhaps it was only he who competed. None the less, she knew of his feelings after she chose Pine over him. Does it not occur to her that going to the wedding would only serve to hurt him more?
Sighing he put the invitation on his desk. He had two options, put on a brave face as he always did and go to the wedding wishing them well, or decline the invitation and stay home where he would be obsessing over it all night. Damn he felt pathetic. This wasn’t like him. He was Rufus Raine for crying out loud! He didn’t let feelings get to him! It was time he moved on. He shook his head, easier said than done. There came a knock on his office door and he quickly slipped the invitation into the top right drawer of his desk.
“Come in.” He called
“Professor Raine, I’m sorry to bother you.” It was one of his students, Kayden. She was a bright one. A 6th year Ravenclaw and the top of his 6th year class. Which said something. It took a lot to pass his classes.
He knew he was tough on his students. He’d been told repeatedly by many of his fellow professors but that was how he taught and it wouldn’t change.
“Kayden, what is it?” Raine asked as he pulled out some tests to grade. Not that he expected many to pass.
“Is it a bad time sir?” she asked studying him. “You seem…upset.”
“I am quite fine I assure you. What is it you need?” he asked.
She cleared her throat slightly before speaking. “As you know I tutor some third years.” She said. He nodded. “And well I was tutoring them on the difference between transfiguring an organic being and an inorganic item. Well they aren’t quite getting it and I’ve tried everything.” She sighed seeming to have zero patience for them. Raine knew the feeling. “Well I was hoping you could come to tonight’s tutoring session and explain it.”
“That is such a simple subject in transfiguration.” Raine said annoyed.
“Yes sir I know but they just aren’t understanding it.” She said.
“Fine. What time is it?” Raine asked rolling his eyes.
“After dinner sir.” She said nervously.
There went his night. He’d been hoping to get out before dinner began. “Very well.” He waved her off.
“Thank you sir.” She quickly left.
He rubbed his temples. There was not enough caffeine in the world to get rid of this pounding migraine he had. Nor enough to give him the energy he would need to tutor these students. If they would just pay attention and study like he instructed they wouldn’t need tutoring.

Raine wrote on his board in his classroom before his last class of the day. He’d get this class over with then go to his office before dinner. He decided to give a pop quiz to his 7th years. Though he didn’t see many of them passing it.
“Raine I’m glad I caught you before your class began.” Raine’s chalk snapped in half as Pine’s voice echoed through the room. He really didn’t need this now.
“What is it Pine?” Raine asked shortly. There was an icy cold tone to his voice but he really didn’t care. He grabbed a new piece of chalk.
“There’s a new transfer student from Ilvermorny coming today.” Pine said.
“Your point being?” Raine asked as he began writing on the board again.
“Well he’s already been sorted into Ravenclaw and well since that’s your house would you mind showing him to dinner and dorms after class?” Pine asked.
“Fine. Where is he?” Raine asked.
“Professor Petalthorne will bring him to you. He is in her class now.” Pine said.
“Fine.” Raine said. He listened as Pine’s steps disappeared from his classroom. So no time alone. Great. He rubbed his temples as he heard students file in. ‘Keep up appearances Raine.’ He told himself. What he was trying to figure out was how could he face them at their wedding when he couldn’t even face Pine at work? How could he go to their wedding and not completely lose it?
This wasn’t good. If he couldn’t keep his composer people would begin to notice. They’d ask about his….he cringed….feelings. That was not a conversation he wanted to have. Sappy heart to hearts were not his thing. ‘Worry about this later Raine. You have a class. Focus.’ He lectured himself.
He finished writing on the board before turning to the class. “Today will be a pop quiz.” He listened to the class groan. “Ah ah ah. If you studied what I told you to then there should be no reason for any of you to fail.” Raine said. He each student up siting in front a pile of quizzes, “Take on and pass the others back. Leave them face down on your desk. Any extras left in the back pass back up.”
The students did as told. He sat at his desk and set the extras down. Looking at his students he could see panic on at least half their faces. This made his feel disappointed. He really did want what was best for them. “Begin.” He said. They flipped the papers and began.

At the end of class he had them leave their papers on their dsks. As he collected them he could see several that failed within the first half of it. He sighed. How these students expcted to pass his class was beyond him.
Raine sat at his desk and began grading them. He figured he might as well do something while he waited for Petalthorne and the new Ravenclaw. Another Ravenclaw. Well he always held them to high standards. They were his house after all. How could he not?
Petalthorne. A nice enough woman. Perhaps a little odd but nice enough. Though it wasn’t her obsession with necromancy that he found odd. As everyone had that one thing they loved to that point. For him it was dueling and well his sass. What he personally found odd was her other obsession. Niceness. Always chipper and cheery. As if every thing was perfect all the time. Another odd thing about her was her ability to trust instantly. Did she never see anyone as untrustworthy? Hell she trust Valentina instantly. And no one, not even he, did that.
Valentina. Another odd professor. A vampire. What he liked about her was she generally kept to herself. She didn’t come to him often for many things. Now that he thought about it she came to him maybe once for help. Which of course a transfiguration problem. She was quite skilled in dueling though. He always had a good time when she came to dueling club. Always a challenge. Not many can give him that. Not even Professor Cubs.
And then there was Cubs. He was a sassy ravenclaw professor as well. They were good friends and often talked when Raine DID go to dinner. Cubs was probably the closest thing he had to family since he and Darling split up. Perhaps he should stop shutting Cubs out so much. Perhaps Cubs would know what to do. He'd have to ask him when he had a chance.
A knock came to his classroom door and before he could respond Prof. Petalthorne came bounding in. “Raine!” she said excitedly. He held back his groan and looked to her.
“The point of knocking is to ask permission before entering Petalthorne.” Raine said calmly.
“Oh right sorry. Well I brought you the new student.” She smiled.
“Yes I figured as much. Thank you.” Raine said.
Petalthorne studied him. “What's wrong?”
Raine blinked. “There's nothing wrong.”
“Yes there is. You're sad. I can tell.” Petalthorne said.
“I'm just tired. Where is the student?” Raine asked.
“Oh!” she turned towards the door. “Come on in.”
A boy, about 15, came in. He had dark hair and bright blue eyes. Though…even as bright as they were they seemed….sad. His body posture spoke echoes of that sadness. He hunched a bit and kept his eyes down. Raine couldn't pinpoint where he'd seen that sort of sadness.
“Hello.” The boy said quietly.
Raine nodded to him. Well let's go. Thank you Prof. Petalthorne.” He collected his things.
“You're welcome. And Raine,” she said as she moved to the door.
“Hm?” Raine looked up to her.
“I'm truly sorry for how you are feeling. I do hope you feel better soon.” She said before leaving.
Raine stood there staring at the door as what she said sank in. He really needed to get his composer back. He was getting too easy to read.
“Uh professor?” the boy asked.
“Oh yes. Let's go. What is your name?” Raine asked.
“Dennis sir.” The boy said.
“Well Dennis, Welcome to the house of Ravenclaw.” Raine said as he took him.

The tour wasn’t too bad and went relatively quickly. Dennis had an array knowledge of Transfiguration which Raine was pleased about. He needed a student who understood the importance of the subject.
He took Dennis to the dining hall for dinner before going to his office. He really wasn’t in the mood to sit and converse with other professors. He needed time alone before he tutored those students.
Getting to his office he practically dropped into his chair. Quickly he put a locking charm on his door, not wanting anyone to come bombarding in. Rubbing his temples he sighed. This headache would never go away. He needed sleep. His eyes felt so heavy. Taking his glasses off he set them on the desk before laying his head down. Just a few moments. That’s all he needed.

“Raine! Raine wake the hell up!” Raine jolted awake to find himself being shaken. Looking up in confusion he saw Cubs standing over him. Concern lined Cubs’ face.
“What..what are you doing in my office?” Raine asked as he blinked to adjust his eyes.
“I was going to ask you the same. Do you not remember the tutoring session you scheduled with Kayden and some  of the third year students?” Cubs asked as he stepped back.
Raine put his glasses on. “Of course. That's in an hour.”
“No Raine that was two hours ago.” Cubs said.
“What? No. Its dinner time.” Raine looked to his clock. That’s when it registered. Cubs was right. It was two hours after dinner hour. He had missed the session. Slept right through it. And yet he was still so exhausted.
“When you didn’t show up to the session Kayden tried coming to get you. She found the door locked and you wouldn't answer. It scared her so she came to me. I managed to disarm your charm and found you sleeping. What’s gotten into you Rufus. This isn’t like you. You don’t miss sessions and you sure as hell don’t fall asleep at your desk.” Cubs said.
“Nothing. I'm just tired. I've been working a lot.” Raine said running a hand through his hair.
“Clearly. Raine go home.” Cubs said. “Take a day tomorrow to rest. I'll cover your classes.”
“No, I'm fine.” Raine said waving him off.
“No you are not. I can't remember the last time I've seen you eat, you are being ridiculously hard on your students, even for you, and you are cold towards everyone. Even me. And now missing lessons as you sleep in your office. “ Cubs narrowed his eyes at Raine. “Talk to me. What's going on?”
Raine remained silent for a good 3 minutes. He knew Cubs wouldn’t back down. And honestly he was exhausted from holding it all in. “Fine. Since you apparently wont leave it be.” He reached into his desk drawer and pulled out the invitation. He threw it onto the desk in front of Cubs. Cubs then picked it up and read it.
Raine watched as shock ran over his friend's face. “Rufus I-"
“Don't.” Raine said as he stared down at his desk. “Nothing you say will make it any better.”
“Rufus look at me.” Cubs demanded.
Raine reluctantly looked up at him. He couldn’t stop it. Couldn’t stop them. The tears. They came like a wall of bricks hitting him. “I loved her Cubs. I fucking loved her and she just….threw me away like I meant nothing to her!” he stood and ripped the invitation from Cubs. “Now this! This! How the fuck am I supposed to take this!? How can I go to that wedding and not lose my shit!?”
Cubs stood silent as he let his friend vent.
“How can I sit there and wish them the best when it would be nothing but a lie!? What does he have that I don’t!? He's dull in comparison to me! So why the fuck did she choose him!?” Raine yelled. “And now she invites me to their wedding!? Does she not see how much it would hurt!? Does she not care!? How can I act like I'm ok? Well I’m not! And I don’t feel as if I ever will be!”
Raine panted as all the energy flowed out of him. He plopped back into his desk chair as tears continued to flow down his face. That was it. That was the last of his composer, gone. He stared down as his hair fell over his eyes.
“Rufus what you're feeling is normal. It’s called heartbreak Rufus.” Cubs said. “As strong as you are even you have a heart that can be broken.”
Raine snorted. “There are some who say I don’t have a heart.”
“Those who say that don’t know you.” Cubs said. “You were in love Raine. In a way you still are. If you weren't you wouldn’t be this way. You wouldn’t be so miserable.”
Raine looked at him. He felt so damn pathetic. His entire body was screaming at him. When was the last time he ate? Slept? He looked at himself in the mirror he kept in his office. He looked sickly, his hair was flat, his face thin and pale. That couldn’t be him could it? This wasn’t him. The man staring back at him looked like a lost puppy.
“What's wrong with me?” Raine muttered.
“You're feeling your very first heartbreak.” Cubs said. “Go home. Take a few days.”
Raine debated it. “I have classes and dueling club-"
“I'll cover them. Rufus none of that matters if you aren’t in the right state of mind. You need to focus on yourself for now. Don't force me to go to McGonagall.” Cubs said.
Raine sighed as he caved. “Fine.”
Cubs nodded. “Good.”
Raine grabbed his wand and coat. “Thank you.” He said before leaving.


A couple days passed and Raine had barely slept or eaten. This was getting ridiculous. He was Rufus Raine for Merlin's sake! He needed to snap himself out of his pity party. Getting up he showered and dressed. Standing in front of his mirror he took in his outfit. Over dressed? Yes. Did he care? No.
He groaned as his stomach growled. He was starving. That caught him by surprise. He hadn’t been hungry in weeks. Deciding to treat himself he figured he'd go out to eat. He needed to get some things done too.
He checked over himself to make sure he had everything. Wand, wallet, book to read. Good he had all he needed. He put his glasses on and left.

By lunch time Raine couldn't wait any longer. He had gotten most of what he needed to do done before heading to his favorite restaurant. It was a nice day out so he decided to sit at an outside table. After he ordered his food he opened his book and began to read.
It was funny. He could hear his coworkers voices. Every time he sat and read while he ate they'd try to get him to put his book down. He snorted to himself and continued to read.
About halfway through the chapter he was on he heard a crashing sound before someone fell at his feet. Looking away from his book at the person he found a man about his age lying on the ground.
“Hello.” Raine said in a slightly confused voice. “Are you alright?”
The man quickly stood and brushed himself off. He was tall. Even taller than Raine. Which said something as Raine was 6’2". He had a happy chestnut curls that fell just long enough to cover his left eye. The right eye was completely uncovered and…wow. The color of that eye. An icy blue crystal of a gem.
“I'm fine.” Responded to Raine. “Just tripped.”
“I see.” Raine said.
“Oh uh I'm Arias. Adrian Arias.” The man said. He held out his hand.
“Professor Rufus Raine.” Raine shook it.
Arias smiled slightly before his stomach growled.
Raine rose an eyebrow. “Care to sit and eat?”
“It seems as though you prefer to be alone.” Arias said glancing at the book.
Did Raine prefer to be alone? He lived alone, kept to his private office during free hours, tended to eat alone. Perhaps he was alone too often.
“I'm finished with it for now. Please sit.” Raine offered a chair.
“I suppose it would be alright.” Arias said as he sat down.
Raine motioned over the waiter.
“Yes Prof. Raine?” the waiter asked in a friendly voice.
“Can we have another menu please?” Raine asked as he set his book down.
“Of course.” He smiled and left. A moment later he brought back a menu and handed it to Arias. Arias nodded his thanks before the waiter left again.
“So Arias I'm sure from my title you know what I do for a living. What about you?” Raine asked. He picked up his glass of water and sipped it.
“Actually I’m the same as you. A professor. Though as you can tell by how I talk I'm not from here. I’m from a….University in the U.S.” Arias said.
Raine rose an eyebrow. “If you're going to keep yourself hidden from muggles you'll need to become smoother at lying.”
Arias' eyes widened. “You're a wizard too.”
“Yes. I am. As is anyone who eats at this restaurant. It has a spell that repels muggles. Makes it a safe zone for Witches and Wizards to eat and be safe.” Raine said.
“But the outside tables. Couldn’t a…muggle?...walk by at any time and find wizard conversations odd?” Arias asked.
“Charm to make our conversations to seem as boring as the weather to muggles.” Raine said. “So you are from Ilvermorny huh?”
“Yes. And you Hogwarts.” Arias said. “So its school hours. Why aren’t you there?”
“I took a few personal days.” Raine said. “Some stuff I needed to sort out. Why are you here instead of the U.S.?”
“I needed a change.” Arias said softly. A deep sadness filled his face and eyes.
“I see.” Raine said. He wasn’t good at comforting others. Never knew what to say.
“Anyways. It’s nice here.” Arias said. “When are you going back to Hogwarts?”
“After the weekend. These days have been needed but I have classes and students to get back to.” Raine said.
“Well that’s good then.” Arias said.
Arias ordered his food and they had a nice lunch. There was a lot they had in common. Raine liked having someone new to talk to. Arias loved how sassy Raine was and said it reminded him of someone. Though when that someone was mentioned the sadness came back. Raine wondered if that was what he looked like when he thought of Darling. Shaking his thoughts he focused on their conversation. At the end they gave each other their connections before parting ways. Raine was quite happy to have someone to exchange letters with.
As Raine walked back into his house he was smiling. For the first time in a long time he was genuinely happy. He never wanted it to end. Never wanted to go back to that misery he had before this afternoon. Sighing contentedly he went to prepare his lessons for that coming Monday. Time to go back the Prof. Raine he was. The Rufus Raine he was.


Author's note: Ok guys I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Trust me when I say this is only the beginning! I hope you guys like this story.