I don’t know why it has to be this way. I don’t understand what I did to deserve this. I am not supposed to live like this; to suffer from a pain I barely knew could exist. Every day I go through an emotional rollercoaster, and I’m trying not to throw up every time the track turns. At night I lie awake, still too shook up to sleep. I toss and turn, I don’t understand. I sigh, cry and try to escape what is my life as I leap into a dream. It’s a magical place where sadness and depression are too far away.
In my dream those feelings have no meaning, no sound, and no existence. In my dream there is only sun, love and laughter. Beauty and kindness is how I will describe the land that is my dream.
Beauty is the grass so green that covers the ground, embracing me with a loving heart.
Kindness is the sun so bright that warms my dream, my heart.
Through beauty and kindness I breathe in relief. Only then I’m happy to be alive. Only then I feel it’s worth the wait. I am living in the land of dreams.
Before my eyes unfolds a field of grass. It’s, oh, so green and beautiful. It disappears into the horizon. The grand size of it amazes me, taking my breath away, leaving me breathless.
The Sun rises above the field, bathing it in golden rays of light. The Grass is sighing of joy in the warmth of the Sun, the jolly light beaming in the dew.
I look to the Sun. I lift my hands to my face to shadow for my eyes. She is smiling at me, Miss Sun. I feel her warm arms embrace me in a motherly hug, the warmth making its way into my heart. I smile back at her.
A silent whisper tickles my ear. I turn, just to see the Wind dancing in front of me, asking for me to join. Oh, what a lovely Wind. I kiss the Sun goodbye, and run to the Wind on light feet. He is waiting for me.
He grabs my hand and twirls me around, making me squeal with delight. Feeling free at last, I run with him. He lifts me up in his strong arms. His entire being is light as feathers and cool as a spring breeze. He whispers my name as we fly across the sky, his arms tightly locked around my waist.
In the distance I spy a lonely tree. I reach out for its beauty, the lonesome queen of the field. I ask the Wind to take me to the copper beech. Her sad gaze locks in on mine as I approach, and she leaks a single tear. Don’t cry, my love, I whisper. I kneel in front of her and caress her bare roots. A leaf falls from one of her branches and softly lands in my lap.
I collect the red leaf in my hands and place a soft kiss on both sides. Her friendly gesture makes the Wind chuckle in delight. His chuckles are released as small puffs of air. They hit the Copper Beech’s branches, making her leaves whistles a simple, but beautiful melody. I smile at the both of them.
I reach for the Wind’s hands and he gently pull me up from the ground. I wave goodbye to the Queen and send her a kiss as a last gesture, as I let the Wind lift me up in the air again. I feel the Wind in my hair, on my skin and on my dress. He kisses me on the cheeks. He kisses on my neck. He kisses me on my lips and hugs me tightly as we slip back onto the field.
Squeaky, happy laughter surrounds us as we step onto the Grass. They hug our feet and cherish us as we walk towards the sunset. Filled up with happiness I put my arms around his neck and plant a passionate kiss on his cool lips. I feel his hand in my hair; it’s cool to the touch.
A sudden feel of sadness and cold surround my feet. A panicked look is shared between him and me. We both know it’s time. The Sun is gone and Mother Nature is putting her children to sleep. He must go; he is forced to leave me. The day is gone and I do not belong to this world. One last kiss and he’s out of my reach. Pain slowly crawls into my chest, forcing my breath to whine through my throat. My eyes are stinging and my body is cold.
Gone is the light, the air, the grass and nature. I’m left with nothing but darkness, emptiness, dirt and pain. I’m back to where I began, but nothing will ever be the same.
