God, you saw me today in my mom's humble city. I thank you that it is Your will that I am here today God. Thanks for this wonderful favor of yours. Seeking you in this place is indescribable.
I know that You know what I am going through this past few weeks. My heart is in pain. My body is at its weakest condition. My mind can't articulate things beyond understanding.
God you know I do not understand everything but I am not forcing my self to understand everything. For I know who You are. I can't think like You do.
I thank you that You want me to be alone this time. But I thank You even more for not leaving me - for always reminding me of Your love.
God I cannot answer anything asked of me, my heart is in remorse that I can't. I wish I could boldly speak one clear answer or two. Can You do this for me? Please?
Please let me not give reasons to give greater answers or let me not throw a question to further pull an answer.
I want to cry at that moment but I tried to impede my emotional response. But Thank You for revealing me that You put emotion as part of my being - that it's normal to feels bad when things don't go my way. Thanks for always making me better.
I Thank You for giving us different needs and speeds when it comes to emotional healing. Instead of denying my emotions, I have to allow myself to freely feel it. Feeling is a step towards healing, because I get to deal with the pain, instead of stifling it. The more I can hear You as I seek you.
It is true that those we meet can change us, sometimes so profoundly that we are not the same afterwards. But having You God alone changed my whole being - my all.
I'm sorry God, I felt disappointed. Sorry IF it happened. I wish those who knew better had spoken up at that time, but there isn't anything else I can say about it. I wish it had not happened, but it remains in our mind and drags us down.
God, I did not stop loving you - I never stopped showing it.
Please remind me always, I lose nothing.
To lose a brother is to lose someone with whom you can share the experience of growing old. To lose a father is to lose the one whose guidance and help you seek. To lose a mother, well, that is like losing the sun above you. But to lose You God - the pain is immeasurable.
I might think I lost all hope at this point. I did. But I felt much better knowing You are Hope yourself.
Thank you for saving my life. I know You know me well - You know all the best with me. You always remember me as a friend. You always remind me, "I will never forget you, that is certain."
I can bitterly see myself now. But It's You God that I always see now. You bring joy and pain in equal measure. Joy because you are with me, but pain because it should be me. It should be me.
God, I don't want to stop hoping that a ship would rescue me. I should not count on outside help. Survival had to start with You. Can there be any happiness greater than the happiness of Your salvation?
I'm giving up. I would have given up. But I always hear Your still small voice. I will make it through this nightmare. I will beat the odds, as great as they are. I had survived so far, miraculously. Now I will turn Your miracles into routine. Your amazing will - I see everyday. Yes, so long as God, You're with me, I will not die. Amen.
