wow, okay, i did it. i keep forgetting to upload to my other web diary so i just decided to make one here. now i'll actually have to make it nice to the public eye, lol
tomorrow is thanksgiving but i have no thanks to give. i have no emotion to grant upon my relatives. i physically can't love anyone. i don't know what this means, but i feel empty. no, don't put a "that's what she says" there because this is serious and i've never actually dealt with it.
i've gotten so used to putting on a show and a happy face that i've forgotten what real happiness is. music doesn't even trigger that emotion. i've lost the passion for playing my own music because of my band teacher.
i don't smile.
i don't frown.
i don't pout.
i don't rage.
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i only cry.
that's my way of emotion. so i let out tears instead of anything else.
even if you see me, laughing and smiling, it's fake.
back on the topic of not loving someone, i haven't said the words "I love you" to my mother in over a year now. i just stay quiet when she says it to me. i've told her that i physically couldn't love her after all of the shit i've been through all because of her.
that's why i'm so childish now
because she didn't allow me to be childish when needed. i matured faster and grew up, having to face the reality of what had happened, with all of the abuse.
no, this isn't a sob story. this is my feelings. the only ones that i can contain. for i, without emotion, as just a shell of bones and flesh. there is no life within me.
wow, i'm about to publish this, o k a y.
YOU ARE READING
tho(ugh)ts
Non-Fictionlol i've seen two people make this so why not make one myself? this is an anonymous webdiary that anybody can read, so i can put down my thoughts because i'm too irresponsible to do it in an irl diary.
