The Victim

Part 4

Dear Nathy,

I know this may seem a bit out of the blue, but there are some things I wish for you to know, and face to face contact is hardly my thing anymore.

I don't want this letter to hurt you, but the things I have done, the things I have consumed, have finally consumed me.

Don't get me wrong - this is in NO way a fault of yours, and this I promise, for your persistent daily smiles helped me to pull through the horrific existence I was pushed into.

I know what you're thinking, Nathy. What were all the bruises about? All the scars? The tears? The phenomenal pain I suffered? To which I would say ask my biological father, but he vanished a long time ago and left my broken family without a glistening of hope, without anything to get through our day to day routine. He wiped us clean, Nath.

This, lead me to the disgusting creature I am today. Doing anything, and I mean ANYTHING, for me and my darling Mother to have the basic daily needs.

Which brings me to the point of this letter. I have pushed my limits, but by the time you have read this letter (approximately 18:30, when you return home from your revision sessions after school - I do notice you, you see) my grief will be terminated, kind of like myself. 

The trouble I have gotten myself into is too torturous for you to need to hear, but the man who will bring the end to my life has a right, I did not give him what I owed, and this is just life Nathy. Pardon my language, but life is a bitch, I suppose I would know.

I apologise for this letter Nathy. I apologise for the distance between us, and I apologise for asking this of you, but this is my final wish; protect my Mother as if she were your own, love her like your own. Do more for her than I ever could.

She deserves a son like you, someone as charismatic, endearing, honest... Perfect in so many ways.

Thank you, Nathy, for everything. But mainly for being you. You tried your hardest for me, to save me, but I think we both know I had already dissolved, evaporated into the crystal sea, to forever float into a turquoise space of nothing.

Nathy, you really were my best friend, my only friend, not that I deserved someone like you. Please, try to let go, and move on from me. I'm so sorry for the hurt this will cause you and my Mother, but please know it's not over, we are not over, the distance between us may be further but we are still those 7 year olds, sharing Mars bars, holding hands through the streets, sharing the world together.

I promise to see you soon, Nathy.

All my love,

Your red stiletto girl.