Anxiety - A Rhekker Story

Anxiety and Meetings

Trigger Warning: Panic Attacks, Anxiety, Depression(?), SELF HARM so if that's not your cup of tea, skip to the next chapter, or leave this story now because there will be more.

(Ava's P.O.V)

I wake up and begin getting ready for work. I grab my metro card and begin walking to the train station. Once I get there, I wait at the station and I see my train come and I get on it. I plug in my earphones and listen to my music. Before I know it, my train stops at my station and I get off. I walk to MED and my eyes are immediately met with Maggie's when I walk into the E.D and she runs up to me, "Ava! We missed you here! Dr. Marcel is a great surgeon and all, but he's better on the night shift," she complains to me.

"Haha!" I laugh, "Don't worry now because I'm back now! Connor starts at 11 so you're stuck with me for the meantime." I say.

Suddenly the siren goes off, "INCOMING! Trauma 3, Ava you're gonna get that!" Maggie yells. I rush over to the victim and look at the paramedics.

"40 year old male, GCS 80/40, he was going 120 on the left lane on the highway when he collided with a truck. He was unconscious on the ride here and he suffered a cardiac arrest. We got him back in rhythm though"

"Alright, move him on my count, 1. 2. 3! Transfer! April get chest x-ray ready."

"Got it!" We get the x-ray and I see that the patient has a pneumothorax.

"He suffering from a pneumothorax! We need a chest tube! ELSA!" I shout.

"Yeah?" She replies as she rushes in.

"I need you to put a chest tube in for our patient here."

"On it!" I watch carefully as Elsa puts the chest tube in and then the monitors begin going off.

"Elsa! You start on his chest! April, you push a round of epi!" I watch as April puts in the Epi and I pick up the panels.

"Epi's in!"

"Alright, charge to 200."

"Charged!"

"Alright! Clear!" I shock the patient and he doesn't come back into rhythm.

We go on for about 10 more minutes and we declare the death, "Time of death, 5:29." I take a really shaky breath and excuse myself out of the room. I walk off to the doctor's lounge and I begin crying. After a while, I hear the door open and I feel arms wrap around me. But they aren't Connor's arms. They're too small for that.

"Ava?" I recognize the voice and it's Natalie, "Ava, what's wrong?" She asks me.
"Everything. Everything is so stressful. I know that losing people is my job, but sometimes it gets too much you know?"

"Hey, come sit down," Natalie directs me to the sofa, "Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Do you need to go talk to Dr. Charles?"

"No, I'm seeing him at 9am. I'm gonna be alright for now."

"Are you sure? You can talk to me," Natalie looks at me concerned.

"Yeah. I'll be alright. Do you wanna meet for lunch Nat?"

"Definitely! 12, maybe?"

"Yeah that works! See you then!"

I walk around doing consults for the next couple of hours and then I walk up to Dr. Charles office. I knock on the door very softly and wait for Dr. Charles to reply. Once he replies, I slowly walk in and greet him. "Good morning, Ava. Did you have a good break?"

"Good morning, Dr. Charles. Yes I've had a good break. It was nice to have a rest and get away from work," I reply.

"So, last time I saw you, you hadn't eaten properly in days, has that changed?"
"Yes, Connor has been making sure I eat. Day by day, I've been eating more and more over the past 3 days."

"Alright, have you been forcefully making yourself throw up after eating?"

"I did once the first time Connor served me a big meal, but after that Connor made sure that he supervises me for at least 2 hours after eating."

"So you haven't thrown up anymore?"

"No, I haven't."

"That's good. So can we talk more about your insecurities?"

"Yeah alright." We talk about my family and I begin crying. I sit there crying for about 20 minutes and Dr. Charles watches me the whole time. Surprisingly, I'm not embarrassed, it just feels natural. It's probably because I've done it so many times.

"Natalie told me you had an anxiety attack sort of thing this morning, is that true?" Dr. Charles asks.

"Yeah, it was mainly because I had just came back today and immediately lost a patient. Everything happened so quickly and I didn't get a chance to understand it all," I explain.

"And you didn't think to come talk to me?"

"Well, I came in early and I was already coming in later so I wasn't going to bother you."

"You're never a bother Ava, you're always welcome to come and talk to me."

"Thanks, Dr. Charles."

"That's alright, Ava. I think we're done. Do you want to meet again next week?"

"Yes, that would be great. I'll see you then."

"Bye Ava," We say our good byes and leave.