𝗕𝗧𝗦' 𝗝𝗜𝗠𝗜𝗡 𝗜𝗺𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀

10. Patience

“ BEAUTY OF PATIENCE ”
___________

You look at the result once again and your heart beat nervously still. You are nervous because you don’t want to believe the result but at the same time you have been waiting for that result to come. You bring the kit closer to your eyes as you examine it carefully and your eyes almost pop out from its socket from looking at it intently.

You also have been sitting in there for one good hour ever since you got the result. You sigh intently and your hand drops on your lap weakly. You are doubtful about it. You don’t want to be excited, not until you see the doctor. How you wish it is true and you vow to keep it safe with your life. Your heart slowly sank into the deepest part as you remember the bitter past from 3 years ago.

3 years ago,

“Yes!!” I jump in the toilet when I see two red lines showed in the home pregnancy test kit. I was confidence now that the result was convincing because it’s the third day I tested it. Still, not too get over excited, I wanted to keep calm until I see the doctor but your motherly feel just can’t stop overflowing. This was my first child. There was a little soul carried in my tummy.

Jimin arrived home not long after and I didn’t let him rest, ate nor showered because I made him drove us to the nearby clinic in instant. The doctor congratulated us, the newly wed and Jimin’s face beamed in happiness. The doctor told me to be careful and watch my action to not be too rough on myself, to not be too active and to not do dangerous things as it could affect the early trimester.

The first month went well so did second month. First trimester ended with the fetus developed well and almost perfect shape of a child can be seen through the ultrasound. Both families and friends were happy about the new family members and since this child will be the first grandchild in the family, we started receiving gifts from them already.

When I entered the second trimester, the morning sickness and cramping started to decline. My belly was growing as the fetus grown rapidly during that time and the moment I was waiting for, to check the baby’s gender. When the doctor told it’s a boy, Jimin was the happiest person in the world. He began talking to the baby boy about his father and son activities when he was born later.

Time passed by and I safely entered third trimester. Six weeks left before the baby was out, an incident that I will never forget but at the same would not want to remember happened. I went out for grocery and when I was on the way to my, a blue car lost track and hit me. I was unconscious at the scene and woke up in a bed in a white room a week later. What traumatize me the most was, my slim stomach. I remember I cried for doctor as my hands touched my belly and I felt pain.

I sill remember Jimin’s face who was relieved to see me awake, but it turned into sadness when he can’t give me answer when I asked about our baby boy. Even if the accident was bad, even if the baby was taken out premature, I wished my child was safe and sound. And Jimin can’t lie. Without uttering a word to me, I can tell by his sad expression that our first child can’t be saved.

I cried and cried, trying to lose myself from whatever wire attaching to my body. I believed my child was in the newborn nursery so I wanted to search him there, but I was stopped by doctor and nurses. Soon, I felt a pain sting in my arm before slowly I started to grow unconscious once again.

The accident happened affected my pregnancy and in fact, I was told it was a miracle for me to be alive. I shook my head and told the doctor and Jimin that the miracle was given to a wrong person. My child should have been given the extra life and I am willingly being the one to go. Just, what does the innocent fetus knows? He wasn’t introduced into the world yet.