Revenge (Lucifer fanfiction)

I'm Okay

The day he had his breakdown Lucifer had spent the night. He had stayed on the Detective's couch, snuggling with Miss Alien which Trixie had let him borrow. And in the night he screamed and screamed and the girls had all woken up. And they went to see him lying on the couch. His eyes remained puffy and his face was covered salty tears. The girls sat with him for a while. Chloe held his hand and brushed her fingers through his hair, whilst Beatrice snuggled up with him and he let her.

"'m sorry," Lucifer mumbled through his sobs. "Didn't mean 'o wake you."

"It's okay Lucifer! We love you," said the little girl who had now replaced Miss Alien in Lucifer's arms. Chloe smiled at her child but pools of tears had gathered at her eyes.

"Yeah," The Detective smiled warmly, "We love you." And then they all fell asleep together.

>>> 

But in the morning when she awoke on the chair she had placed by the couch to watch her love, she saw her daughter covered in blankets on the sofa as she'd left her, but Lucifer was nowhere to be seen.

And so Chloe went to the Penthouse to check up on the Devil that she loved, and found him once again crying on the marble floor, a bottle of liquor in hand. And she stayed with him then, holding him until his tears faded and he relaxed into her arms.

"'m sorry," Lucifer said.

"You have nothing to be sorry for Lucifer."

"You– You should go Dete'tive," He cried as she continued to hold him tight. "I'm a monster," He whispered.

>>>

The next day Lucifer visited Linda. He knew he needed help. 

"Linda!" He exclaimed walking into the doctor's office and pushing out the poor chap who had been in the middle of a session.

"Lucifer? What– What are you doing here? Amenadiel informed me of your return, but I didn't really believe it, you were gone for only 5 days," Linda rambled before leaping from her chair to give Lucifer a hug which he actually returned.

"I– Well– It was five years actually for me. And uh- yeah I need to talk to you."

"Of course."

"I've been having nightmares. I did a lot of– well, a lot of terrible things, I feel like a monster, I am a monster. I'm not sure what to do. I don't know why I feel so– so guilty. I don't know why I feel so... bad"

"Lucifer, you left the first woman you have ever truly cared about to go to a – what I can only imagine to be – truly awful place. You sacrificed what you desired for the people you love, to protect them. It's only natural for you to feel guilty when you know that they were saddened – hurt even – by your leaving."

"My wings are gone."

"I see."

"I know what I do, I do to myself, I– I'm a monster Doctor. I have hurt so many people, I hurt the people I care about, I've killed so many demons... FOR NO FUCKING REASON. I don't even know why. I was so hurt. I don't– I don't know what to do."

"Well, it's understandable that you were hurting, that you are hurting. You went back to the place, you hated. You were hurting, you lashed out, it's understandable."

"I enjoyed it. What kind of monster– what kind of monster am I if I enjoyed hurting them, watching their life drain out, when they didn't do anything," Lucifer struggled to keep the tears falling from his face.

"You believed they were the reason you were there, did you not?"

"I– I– Yes. They made me leave Chloe. They- They deserved to be punished for that."