Blue

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Its 10:32pm Friday November 29th, Im laying in bed as usual but im overthinking, about my past, presant and future about what happend in
My past because im scared ill fuck up. Presant because im scared to lose you.. and future to see if we will be together. In my past ive had bad relationships i never knew how to communicate with people because i thought i would offend them, so i just broke up with them. But now i know how to communicate my feelings, i know how to slove the problem but its only been that way for 3 months now.. But atleast i am trying. Im overthinking about the presant because i was scared to tell you how i feel...then i told you. I am always scared to say things because i dont want to offend you. I am very very scared of losing you.. When you dont message back for a bit i know you either get in a depressive state or your busy but sometimes i think its something i said so i start to cry. Even though i did nothing but my thoughts always get to my head. Then i overthink about my future but its not as depressive as my other thoughts its actually kinda happy and not sad. I think about what Will happen in the future, if we will be friends or if we are dating or if we will ever meet but i know we will. But when we do meet i always think about that like what we are going to do, if we are dating or not. If we are dating i wanna go on a bunch of cute dates, make forts, watch cringey movies, cuddle alot, make food together even though it will turn out bad but thats okay because it would have been with you. I also want to kiss you ofc, watch the sunset of look at stars and have deep conversations. If we arent dating then do almost the same things accept the date part and kissing thats about it. But theres that 1% that makes me sad i think about if i say the wrong thing you'll leave and then i would have ruined everything and i dont want that to happen. But then again i tell myself to just think about today and some of the past and not alot of the future just to take it day by day. Tomorrow could be a better day or it could be bad but almost to all my days are way better since you came into my life
-Patricia
Ended at 10:52pm november 29th

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