No room to swing a Cat?

21 - The letter

She hadn't expected that. It was... a complete nonsense! Marinette had been sitting with the letter in her hand for an hour or so, trying to understand what she'd just read. How could he have taken the blame?!

When she'd noticed the envelope on her pillow, her head was full of ideas what could be inside. But none of them prepared her for the letter she found in fact. She would never have suspected that he could feel responsible for her dodging. Nor that he would let her decide when she'd be ready to see him again.

But what she was worried about the most, was the thought that he'd learnt that she'd discovered his identity. Maybe this letter was a kind of a test? He'd check if she'd avoid only Cat Noir, or Adrien as well? If so, he'd get the confirmation that she knew. Unless he'd already known...

Marinette buried her face in her hands and groaned that expressed both: irritation and embarrassment. She was painfully aware that she'd confessed her old feelings to Adrien. The feelings that she'd promised to hide from him forever! Meanwhile he had got known about them directly from her! No wonder that he'd run away so quickly. Now she understood his reaction much better... His question about if she could love Adrien again – became also logical for her now...

That memory – of him asking about himself – was still more irritating than happy for her. Couldn't he really come here like a man?! And just tell her he was in love with her. But no! He had to come here as his alter-ego and question her!

And picking her up in both selves!

Yes! She was definitely irritated. By them both – Adrien and Cat Noir! She snorted, when she realised what she'd just thought. As if she'd forgotten that he was still the same person. Did it mean she was double angry?

Did it mean she was in love doubly as well?

"You're really in love with him?" Tikki asked quietly.

"What?!" Marinette exclaimed in shock. "Are you reading my mind or I said it aloud?"

"You said it aloud."

"Oh... I hope Adrien couldn't hear it through the walls."

"I don't think they are so thin..." kwami noticed. "If you want, I can check what he's doing there."

"No!" the girl protested instantly.

"Don't worry, I can be discreet..."

"You're saying that like it wouldn't be the first time you do it..." Marinette glanced at her kwami suspicious. Tikki smiled and asked evasively:

"Where would you ever get an idea like that?"

"I know you. Have you peeped?" the girl didn't give up.

"Sometimes..." Tikki admitted.

Marinette looked at her in astonishment. She didn't expect her kwami to spy on Adrien. Suddenly it occurred to her that his kwami could do the same to her. What if Plagg told his holder that Ladybug lived next door?

"And?" she asked after a while.

"I think he'll tell you soon..."

"About what?"

"About what he was thinking over... Every time I checked him, he was lying on his bed staring at the ceiling or buried in his pillow. I can't read in minds..."

"Oh, poor Kitty..." Marinette sighed filled with compassion.

"You should give him a chance..."

"I know. And I will..." the girl replied carefully. "But not today. I'm still mad at him for this masquerade!"

"You don't know why he chose talking to you as Cat Noir. Maybe without a mask he couldn't find a courage to open up?"

"Aren't you too smart? How do you know about Adrien so much? Aren't you talking with his kwami?"

"You've become quite suspicious recently..." Tikki answered back.

"So you're talking..." Marinette muttered under her breath and her kwami giggled. They knew each other so well...

"It's irrelevant now. I told you this morning: it's time."

"But now I'm terrified when I think how he'd possibly react... After all you've just said, I start understanding why he chose talk to me as Cat Noir. But then he lost the right moment to stop. And then he got known that I loved him in high school. And now he loves me, but doesn't know if I could love him back again..."

"He already loved you when you were in high school..."

"He loved Ladybug..." the girl corrected. "And I was too stupid to understand that it didn't matter which my-selves he loved... Besides... As Marinette I was quite a miserable object of affection. A stuttering, clumsy girl when Adrien was around..."

"See? You also preferred hiding behind a mask..."

"No, it's not that... As Ladybug I was shy around him as well... He was so perfect... Now I know that I idealised him. You were right: I loved not only him, but a picture of him too... I didn't see his flaws..."

"Ideal people are boring..."

"You're right again!" Marinette smiled. "God, I was so stupid! Why people are so stupid when they're young?"

"You're still young!" Tikki chuckled. "You're saying this in such a tone as if you were a hundred years old with all your life behind."

"Because I feel like I've already carried a bundle of experiences..."

"What do you know about life..." kwami sighed. "You've just started your adult life."

"So, why am I feeling that way?"

"Welcome in the real world... Don't worry, everything's fine. Just give yourself some time. But don't waste it..."

"Véronique told me the same."

"She was right."

"Thanks, Tik..." Marinette whispered.

Then she looked again at the letter from Cat Noir. She'd read it a hundred times, yet she did it once again. Tikki left her holder alone with her thoughts. It was high time to deal with all those demons of the past, and Marinette should do it all by herself.

***

Princess,

Please, don't think that I'm trying to impose myself on you. I couldn't ignore the fact that after our last talk you don't want to see me today. I hope I didn't offend you by leaving you so suddenly. If I did, please forgive me!

You must know that your story moved me very much. Thank you for trusting me and sharing it with me. Please, don't blame me that I didn't paid back by support you have every right to expect from your friend. I'm so ashamed that I let you down when you needed me.

I know that it's impossible to answer to my letter. I can't give you my address if I want to keep my identity secret. Yet... If you wanted to forgive me and let me see you again, just leave a note on your windowsill. I'll try to grab it when I'm around.

Once again, forgive me, Princess...

And I hope to see you someday...

C.N.