Why God?

ch.1

NAMJOON POV-

"You are nothing but a worthless whore! Just like your whore of a mother!!" my father yelled out as he continued to beat me. I feel myself slowly losing consciousness and blood. I feel my tears building up in my eyes. "Oh look the bitch is crying. You will never amount to anything! Stop fucking crying!! You are a boy, not a damn sissy!" He shouted I quickly brought my bruised and bloodied arm and whipped my tears.

Father quickly grabbed his belt and continued to beat me. After it was done which felt like hours. He grabbed my hair and dragged me up the stairs and threw me into my small room. "You are going to learn how to respect me in my house." And with that, he slammed my door shut and went back downstairs to sit on his couch and drink some more. 'One day I might just poison him.'

My room was small it had a tiny closet that I called a war room. My clothes are in a small pile in the corner and my pile of sheets and blankets that I call my bed laid on the floor next to the pile of clothes. I stayed on the floor because it's too painful to move. But I have to get to my safe place. I slowly crawled to my closet and opened the door.

The closest or as I like to call it my war room was filled with prayers, bible verses, a small table with a candle on top. It was my safe haven. I quickly closed the door. I felt so numb but warm. The place I found peace even when I wanted to die. I sat in front of the table and looked at the wall thinking. I thought a father is supposed to love his child not beat them. I thought a father is supposed to help build up his child not downgrade his child. Why was I put in this place without an answer?

I closed my teary eyes and began to speak in a whisper "Heavenly Father, I don't know if you can hear or see me but I just want to talk to you. I need answers, sir. I know we are put through these seasons and trials, but why does my father hurt me? I go to school. I get good grades. I have a job well going to get one watching the precious little children. Am I really a whore like my mother? Was she even a whore? Am I really not going to achieve nothing as he says? I want to be happy sir. I want to have a family that loves me. I want to be loved. I'm grateful for all of the blessings but why must I suffer? Why do the kids beat and bully me also? I'm ugly now I'm covered in bruises and scars. You are the only thing I have left. Please help me find the answers. Please, sir, I'm b-begging to you. Please save me before it's too late. Please, heavenly father, I'm begging you I need answers!" I cried out. I said a little prayer and then I opened my eyes and I was thinking about what would happen to me in the future. Would I die in the hands of my father?

I let out a sigh and walked out of the closet and went to the bathroom. Once I got there I looked at myself in the mirror. I have dried blood on my face and arms. I see a black eye forming. Tears started to gather in my eyes once again. I'll never be good enough and nobody will ever want me.

I turned away from the mirror and started a bath since I'm too weak to stand up in the shower. Once the bathwater was high enough I cut the water off and I stripped my clothes and got in. I could feel the warm/hot water relax my muscles. I could feel the burning of my cuts. I know God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers but dang this is just too much. I just want to be set free.

Once I was done with my bath I put on some jogging pants and a long-sleeved shirt. And slowly hobbled my way to my tiny pile of blankets and sheets on the floor. Soon I'll leave this place and be happy. I closed my eyes and went to sleep. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better.

Hello Foodies, and readers thank you for reading 😊💜

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