Tasha and Happy spent a lot of time together which inevitably meant that Tasha was taking less and less distribution jobs. She didn't really mind seeing as Gemma found her work in the office or Clay had her working alongside the boys on their distribution runs.
She knew that Happy wasn't impressed that she was still putting herself in danger, it was fine for him but not for his woman.
He spoke to Gemma about it and they came to an agreement that it would only be a last resort for Tasha and that Gemma would keep her busy in the office. At first it was fine, Tasha liked to help but after a while the anxiety that had all but disappeared began to reappear.
At first Tasha was able to keep it hidden, plastering a fake smile on her face, only letting it drop when she knew she was alone. She had had far too much practice at the fake smile that no one had noticed it.
As the weeks continued in much the same way the anxiety slowly crept up on her, the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach, the sudden overwhelming feelings of claustrophobia, the need to run and hide. All of this led to a gradual withdrawal.
Tasha stopped talking to people unless she had a need to for work purposes or she had been directly spoken to, she took regular breaks where she shut herself in the bathroom and fought the tears that threatened to take over.
The worst for her was how she couldn't bring herself to be intimate with the man she loved, ultimately leading to paranoia that he was seeking that intimacy with the scantily clad women she now knew were croweaters.
She didn't blame him, she blamed herself, she was broken, why would he stay with her, she was nothing, no good for anyone.
Tasha began to avoid going to the clubhouse, she hated how she always compared herself to the croweaters. She was nothing like them. She couldn't wear slutty outfits, couldn't flirt with everyone, couldn't handle seeing those women round her man.
She would stay at their home and cry herself to sleep while he was living it up at the clubhouse with his brothers, drinking, smoking but most importantly ignoring the desperate women who were not his Tasha. Not that she would believe him when he told her.
It was when Tasha stopped coming to work at TM that Gemma took notice. She pulled Happy aside and asked how Tasha was doing. That simple act broke the heart of the man everyone knew to be a killer, emotionless, the man who shuts everyone out, everyone but Tasha.
Gemma pulled him into the office and locked the door, sucking in a breath when she saw the tears in the eyes of the man stood before her. It was then that Gemma knew this was worse than a simple shut down, she began to fear for the woman she thought of as a daughter.
Gemma knew that Tasha had a history of anxiety and she was kicking herself for not noticing the signs. She knew better than to think that Tasha would harm herself, at least intentionally, but she also knew that getting Tasha out of this potentially devastating spiral was going to be difficult.
Gemma was certain that if anyone was able to bring her back from the brink it was the hard headed tattooed monster of a man that was stood before her. Gemma decided that it was her job as matriarch to help him bring her back.
Gemma made several calls while Happy sat motionless in the office. She arranged for a huge delivery of daisies in a rainbow spread and godiva chocolates to be sent to TM. She followed it up with running out and buying a supremely expensive bath oil and a bottle of Tasha's favourite Jack Daniels, getting multiple varieties.
She ordered Happy to go home with all the treats for Tasha and let her know she is the only one for him, to let her know that he is always there, for the good and the bad and that he will do anything to get her back to who they all know she is.
Happy steeled his spine and with a quick hug of thanks left Gemma with a smile on her face. She knew that he would do exactly as she suggested and that Tasha had forever changed that man for the better, it was his turn to show her just how much he needed her.
On the way back to the house he and Tasha shared Happy was thinking about what he was likely to find. He was 90% certain that she would be in bed, he had noticed that she was spending more and more time in bed and he hated that he hadn't spotted how bad the anxiety had gotten. He knew that she was medicated in the past and he also knew that it was likely she needed something again but he was determined to support whatever her decision was on this.
He parked Gemma's caddy and carried all the treats into the shared house and was not surprised that his hunch about her being in bed was correct. Choosing not to wake her just yet he hung up his kutte and moved silently to the bathroom where he ran the tap and filled the bath.
He added the jasmine oil gently as Gemma had instructed and placed the flowers in a vase, leaving them on the bathroom cabinet. He filled a tumbler with the honey Jack Daniels knowing that Tasha would prefer that as a starter and took that along with a tray of Godiva chocolates into their room.
He sighed when he saw how red and puffy her face looked, letting him know she had been crying. He placed the drink and chocolate on the bedside table and gently sat on the bed next to her. Seeing that she hadn't woken as he sat he leaned over and began to massage her shoulders, noting just how tense she was.
She woke as he leant down to press a soft kiss to her forehead and with a familiar rasp whispered "I love you Tasha" she mumbled a "love you too" and relaxed into his touch. Happy carefully picked Tasha up and carried her into the bathroom where she immediately noticed the daisies and gave him a watery smile.
He stepped out of the room while she got undressed and slipped into the jasmine scented water. He returned with the whiskey and the chocolate and fed them to her as she relaxed further.
Tasha felt the tears starting all over again but this time instead of them being anxious tears they were tears of love. Happy wasn't able to tell the difference so rushed to her side and pulled her long dark hair from her shoulders and leaving a trail of kisses instead.
He whispered apologies for not being who she needed and made promises that he will be that person from now on. He knew she needed him and he intended to show her just how much he needed her and he knew just how to do it.
Once she was out of the bath and wrapped in a soft cotton bathrobe he left to go into the bedroom and grab his sketch book. Without a word he looked through the book until he came across the sketch he was looking for, a beautiful rendering of a crow with a backdrop of daisies coloured in a watercolour design with his name in a cursive font in a ribbon hanging from the crow's mouth.
He showed the drawing to Tasha and made one final promise – she was it for him and he wanted nothing more than to have to honour of placing his crow on her, the killer and his queen, all she had to so was accept the title.
Her answer was not a verbal one, she leaned over and claimed his lips in a kiss and made a promise of her own.
With him by her side she would beat this anxiety once and for all.
A/N I am always here if anyone wants/ needs to talk.
