I rubbed my sweaty hands against my slacks as the familiar strains of music filled the church. Everyone I loved was waiting – except for my father.
Mere moments before, he had walked hastily back down the aisle, betrayal and hatred in his gaze. His parting words: "You should be ashamed of yourself."
I closed my eyes briefly, guarding my heart. A few years ago, I had watched a movie with my father. When two men started kissing on screen he had scoffed in disgust.
Something inside me had curled in on itself. Later that night, crying silently in my bed, I feared that he wouldn't understand.
Ever.
My shameful secret had stayed sealed behind my lips. Until today.
But Richard wasn't shameful, he was the spark of excitement as I closed my eyes and blew out my birthday candles. A wish. A dream for a better future.
The continuation of something real and genuine and true.
Now Richard was walking down the aisle toward me, understanding in his blue eyes. Warmth.
Then he was before me. "AJ," he said softly, a hint of vulnerability in his voice, "are you okay?"
I shook my head. "I don't know if I can do this."
I never wanted to make a statement. I only wanted to be happy.
"That's okay," Richard said, brushing a lock of dark hair from my eyes and tucking it behind my ear. His lips pressed against mine, the coarseness of his stubble grazing my chin. White-hot need vibrated through me. "I don't need marriage; I only need you," he murmured.
I bowed my head.
"You're too good for me," I whispered. Sadness and anxiety slipping out in equal measure.
Why did my fears control me? Why couldn't it be love?
Richard pulled me closer, nestling me against his chest. I loved being wrapped in his embrace. "Do you know the exact moment I fell in love with you?"
"Was it when I shaved you with a switch-blade – fulfilling your James Bond fantasy?"
Richard laughed, the sound delicious and gruff, setting all my nerve endings on fire. How could anyone resist him?
"Not quite." He paused. "It was when we went to the beach together. You pinned me against the wet sand and tried to kiss me... but at the last moment, I turned away."
Richard shook his head. "I said it was 'the sun' in my eyes. But we both knew I was worried about being seen. You tilted my face toward yours and on my lips, you said, 'Be brave. Dare a little. Our love deserves a place in the sun.'"
I remembered that golden day. Our bodies pressing into each other. Urgent, desperate and all-consuming.
"I know you – we – can do this. Because our love deserves a place in the sun."
I nodded, reaching out to hold his hand. "It does and I love you."
He smiled because he knew. We were about to walk down the aisle. Together.
