dear best friend, | moonbae.

✎... letter#19

dear best friend,

it has been a year.
this might be the longest letter i've written to you. i'm about to pour my heart out.

do you ever wonder why your departure impacted me the most? why do i still miss you so damn much after a year? why i still haven't and until now, cannot move on from your departure? the members are finally coping well but why can't i?

it's because to me, you're more than simply a best friend of mine. i fucking love you so much. i wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. all i ever wanted was you. i was desperate for your warmth, your comfort, your care, your love, especially your presence. it hurts knowing you'll never come back. it hurts not knowing why you left. it gives me anxiety, jacob. am i the reason why you left? did you find out i actually like you? that's why you left? i don't know anymore. i thought i was getting better but we spent so much time together. we made so many incredible memories together. i can't just forget those memories. you were part of almost every special day of my life. you mean the whole goddamn world to me. without you, i don't know what i'll ever do with my life. you're my strength. you always encourage me and give me hope when no one else does. we've been through ups and downs. you're so important in my life jacob. i just need you back. i need you to hug me. i need you jacob. even if i want us to be something more, you're still my best friend, i just don't want us to turn into strangers. i want us to talk again.

reject me all you want jacob. i've been selfish all this time but now, i'm going to be selfless.
they, the members, miss you so much. they miss your voice, your laugh, your smile, your random jokes, your advices. they miss their angel. they miss eating cereal with you in the morning or any time of the day and night. they miss watching movies with you until dawn. they miss seeing you dance. they miss practicing with you. they miss seeing you play the guitar, especially when you sing while strumming the strings of the guitar gently. they miss you, too.

i've been convinced enough that you're never coming back but i just wanted to let you know how i feel if you even read these letters the past year. thank you for being a part of my life. thank you for being my best friend.

your best friend,
kevin moon.