Ms. Murder

Chapter 2

                           Monday
      Today was interesting. Cecilia was at school and Aubrey had the day off from her nursing job. Aubrey is pretty much my best friend. She isn't afraid of me despite what shes seen me do, and he doesn't bitch about the constant drug deals coming in and out. As long as I can pay my rent whatever floats my boat. Aubrey bursts through my bedroom door "Did you see the new coffee table?" Aubrey says excitedly. I smirk amused "No, I have not seen the new coffee table" I reply and she instantly drags me to the living room. "Look it!" She says before jumping and pointing at the wooden frame with the glass placed on top. "Its nice but...." I start "But what?" She says slightly offended. "But we both know we're going to end up breaking that" I say laughing. "Uh. No if anyone was going to break it, it would be you, and if you do I'll slit your throat in your sleep. "Roger that" I say heading to the kitchen for a beer. Aubrey looks at me with squinty eyes. "What, it's just a beer or two. I promise I won't go on a rampage." I say reassuringly as I sit down next to her on the couch. "Should I go out today?" Aubrey asks as we watch "The Office" on Netflix. "Yeah, why should you not?" I ask. "I don't know. I don't like to go out alone and you're my only friend." She says a little embarrassed. "So, you want me to go with you?" I ask. She can be so cute sometimes. "Yeah... around 8 tonight?" She asks a little more excited. A knock on the door, Alex. "Hey you got bud man?" He says flashing me an 100 dollar bill. Alex is a fairly chunky guy with a patchy beard who works at the RaceTrac gas station a couple of streets over. He's a nice dude, I have to admit, his face is sweet and, he's my friend. "Of course, come on in man." I say honestly kind of relieved that he was there, he had that affect to him. "You trying to match?" Alex asks. "Of course let me get everything" I say as I walk to my room for weed and blunts. Alex sits on the couch next to Aubrey "Hey sugar booger how you been?" He asks Aubrey and she blushes a little as I walk out of my room "I've been okay, dealing with this one has been a bit hard lately." She says looking at me. "Hey, you didn't even have to clean it up this time." I say pointing my finger at her. Alex just laughs a little confused. That's what I like about him. He doesn't ask questions. All he really does is work, smoke, sleep and sew clothing. It's honestly endearing. When we start smoking the blunt, I let out a laugh when Alex starts coughing up a lung. "You smokin sugar booger?" Alex manages to say to Aubrey after dying, offering the blunt to her. "I have detox in my room" I say hoping she will for once. "I don't know if it's a good idea, I mean I get drug tested you guys don't" she says looking super tempted to take the blunt. "Well no shit we don't get drug tested we're smoking weed Aubrey." I say in a sarcastic tone. "Fuck you." She says before taking the blunt. Alex has a goofy smile on his face "Hell yeah shes smoking! I don't think I've ever seen you smoke before Aubrey." Alex says watching her take a hit. "I used to smoke all the time before I graduated from college. Its sucked but I guess booze are okay." She says but looks slightly disappointed.  "You should get a medical card." Alex says, his eyes half open.  "That doesn't make a difference. If I got that I could legally smoke weed, but I'll still be fired if given a drug test." She explains. "Ooooohhhh I didn't know that" Alex giggles. He's always had a low tolerance to weed. One more blunt and he'd be knocked out cold. It's not that it bothers me, it's actually pretty endearing. "Don't fall asleep on me just yet I'm enjoying your company at the moment." I say. Alex forces his eyes all the way open. "I'm ready for round 2" he says in a somewhat determined way and I start rolling the second blunt. "Woaaahhh I'm high as fuckkk" Aubrey says laying back across the couch with her head on Alex's lap. I'm glad she got to for once. She hasn't really been the same ole Aubrey since she had quit, so it's nice for just this time. By the time we were done with that blunt, Alexes eyes were just two little slits. "Alright I'm gonna get out of here before I fall asleep" Alex says standing up. He shakes my hand and comes up to Aubrey and gives her a hug. "Have a good day sugar booger!" He says as he walks out the door.
      About an hour later Cecilia comes home from school and sees me and Aubrey sitting on the couch together and can clearly see that Aubrey is, in fact, high as a kite. "Oh so you're smoking now?" Cecilia says smiling as she sits next to me. "Just for today, Jack has some detox he can give me." She says. "Well shit that's not fair, why does he get to smoke with you and not me?" She says with a pouty face, but quickly lights up when I whip the already rolled blunt out of my pocket. "When did you even roll that?" Aubrey asked amused. "Emergency blunt." I say with it in my mouth as I light it. "So Jack, do you have a girlfriend?" Cecilia asks rather bluntly, and in front of her sister at that. At that moment I was taking a huge rip off the blunt and, I choked. "No." I try to say sternly but it just comes out crackly and nervous. Aubrey laughs and says "What, you've got a crush on that phychopath?" My eyes grow wide at the level of uncomfortableness I was in. I didnt know why but something about an underaged minor having a crush on me kind of made my skin crawl, but the worst part is I don't know if I like it or not. "I don't know he's sorta cute isn't he?" She says rather nonchalantly. "If you like not knowing whether or not you'll be his next victim that is." She says that laughing knowing Cecilia didn't know what that meant. But it also meant I couldn't snap at her for bringing it up. I just kinda gave her a big smile that said "I'm going to kill you instead." But Cecilia still didn't ask any questions. Aubrey's seen me in relationships. I was actually quite good to them. I guess it was just me. They couldn't handle being with a phychopath and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't change all the way. I'd always slip up somehow. But now, and I say so regrettably an angel or a demon has entered my life with the ability to have me melting in her hands. Such a young little thing and I was set back so far. I know I shouldn't be having these thoughts. I really should be saving her from myself. When the frenzy starts it seems like nothing in the world can stop it. It seems like I've only stopped after it's already too late. I feel like I'm no longer human, as if I'd been possessed to do it. I want to say I wish I could stop, but I don't. I could stop, total control is hard but is achievable. But what would I be if I couldn't feel that again? The feeling of being human. Emotions, happiness. Maybe that's not the only thing. Maybe I just haven't found it yet, another way to feel normal. I wasn't always so... numb. I guess it just started after my childhood was ripped from me before I could even experience it. Where I didn't feel anything unless I was inflicting pain, and then I got older and it wasn't enough.