I stared down at the note, mouth agate and in disbelief. This had to be a joke. A fucking joke. The jokes and the names were nonstop and stupid but this one in particular was really stupid. I crumpled up the paper and shoved it in my pocket to avoid having to stand up and throw it out .I was scared , embarrassed , nervous. There was no name indicating who could have written the note other than a letter , Z. It was followed by saying that they were my secret admirer , but I called bull. Things like this were almost always jokes or games because people liked messing with my feelings.
Get a grip Jewel .
But it also didn't seem real or make any sense because of what the note said . So it has to be a joke at this point. There is no way that it could have been someone being serious. I sighed and tried to focus back on what was going on in class , but once in a while I'd glance around the room to see if I could figure out who wrote the note. I knew for a fact the person who handed it to me didn't write it so I could take him off the list of suspects. The rest of the class I was paranoid because I couldn't tell if the note was a setup for something. I didn't know how to react or if the person who wrote this wanted me to react a certain way.
The bell rang and I gave out a sigh of relief that I didn't know that I was holding onto in the first place. Things like this happened everyday. I should be used to it by now, but I wasn't . It would hurt my feelings each time and I didn't know why, they were just words that people would throw out , but each time they would hurt, some worse than others , but nonetheless it would hurt.I quickly grabbed my things and walked out into the hall momentarily forgetting my stress and being happy I would be able to walk home with my friend, Brandon. He was like a brother to me and it made me extremely happy how much he cared for me.
I made my way to his class and I waited outside the door for him like I normally did , leant up against the wall scrolling on my phone. That was until seconds later I received a text from him telling me to head home without him because he had to stay behind and do some work for a group project. I sighed ,I was a little disappointed, but I understood . I pulled my headphones out of my bag and made my way out the door to walk home. The school busses dashed past fast as I walked the sidewalks and walked past other kids waiting for their parents to come pick them up. It was very blissful to walk out of the school and to be headed home. It felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. School was super stressful and it felt like a chore and a pain to keep going. Sometimes there would be tight pain in my chest when I even thought about school , let alone even being outside the building. It felt like something was choking me sometimes when I was in school. It was hard to keep up in school sometimes , it felt like a constant battle to do well in school and also keep up with my mental health , but also the bullying , the name calling the constant taunts everyday. Just everyday a constant reminder of how much of a piece of shit I was to everyone.
The breeze felt cool against my skin and the sun was still shining , making my skin feel warm even though we were approaching spring seasons soon. I was craving the cold, I liked the cold , it made me feel more at ease , more at peace. My music played in my ear and it felt like the world stopped and that everything was all at peace . Not a care in the world . I felt like I was on top of the world and nothing could stop me. I soon approached my house and all the bliss soon slowly started to fade. Something could stop me , and it was behind the front door of my house. My parents. As much as I loved them both to death , they both were very passive aggressive , mean and demanding sometimes. I felt pressured by them to complete tasks that sometimes seemed unreasonable , even if the task seemed small it still felt like a huge weight was on me to complete it perfectly.
I snatched my headphones out my ears and stuffed them into my pockets as I walked up to my door. I dug for my keys out of my bag and put them into the lock. I took a deep breath and unlocked the door and slowly opened it. Our car wasn't in the driveway , however that didn't mean one of my parents couldn't still be here. I stepped in quietly and closed the door slowly , so as to not make a sound and took my shoes off. I looked around and no one was in the living room
