Life With You

Chapter. 2

{Update: sorry for being so late, I just got in the habit of writing everyday and working full time AND studying for an important test, sorry for the long update}.
These stairs never looked so intimidating, I wished time will just stop, unfortunately it never happens.
"Zoe, are you coming dear?" I hear my mom's voice from downstair.
"yeah, in a minute" I reply.
I take a deep breath and get downstair and stand in front of everyone.
I recognize some of the people yet they all are noticing my appearance and observing my dress and body and it feels so uncomfortable.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR!" my grandma appears from nowhere and hug me in a big warm hug which I always love.
"grandma!" I hug her tightly.
we separate from each other and I see my mom is standing next to me and looking at my hair and dress.
"zoe sweety, what happened to your hair?"
I knew she'll say something yet her words won't ruin my plan tonight so I shouldn't let my anxiety kicks in.
"I didn't want to style it, I love it straight" I simply reply.
my mom is about to say something but grandma stops her.
"I love her natural hair,and actually I don't like when she wears makeup either, it's my little zoey" she winks and smiles at me.
I love granny so much.
"whatever you want, I'm going to the kitchen to check everything is okay with the cake" mom says and then adds "dad had been searching for you, go say hello" and she leaves.
I didn't really want to leave granny but I had to because of the plan, everything has to go by the plan, I repeat in my mind.
"granny, I'm going to dad" I say.
".. and I wanted to tell you that I love you so much"
"I love you too sweety... is something wrong?"
she always knows.
"granny, I'm going to be responsible for my life and move to USA like I told you so"
"really?" she looks surprised " I didn't know you will really do it, you fit into this life and I never thought you can handle the real life alone"
I feel so offended, she didn't believe me? why people are being so mean to me on my birthday.
"why? I'm strong woman and I can do it, why not? " I confidently say.
"I know you are dear but I'm just trying to make you think before you do something you will eventually regret"
then she touch my hair but I'm so hurt by her words so I ignore her touch and just leave her alone.
I'm angry, the only person who I thought were on my side is now doubting me to not do the right thing to me, what happened to my world, why everyone hates me so much they want me to stay in my lane and not think about myself and just be a robot who do what others say. I need to show them that I can, I believe in myself and that's what's important.
I step into our living room and see my dad talking to some men in black suits and get closer to them.
"..this is the real point here, people had to go, you need to put your values in the right place" a tall man was saying.
Suddenly everybody notice I was there and stop talking.
"zoe! you're here!" my dad looks at me and smile.
"hi, dad!... mom said you were looking for me".
I always had an awkward connection with my dad, I never felt like he cared about me at all, he only cared for my future. When I was little he used to ask me all the time what I would like to do when I will get older, now I realize from where all this future anxiety coming from, he never really thought about me as a person, I feel like he sees me as one of his co-worker.
He starts to introduce me to everyone in the talk circle and I just want bury myself and not be here.
"Samuel here is one of the CEO of an entertainment company. did you know that my little zoey is an excellent dancer?" my dad says.
"a ballet dancer" I add.
"doesn't matter, she can dance to anything" he looks at Samuel and then at me.
"here's my business card" he hand me a card and I see his name on it and a bunch of phone numbers, the card feel like a quality one, meaning he must be really rich and dad just wants his attention.
"thank you" I say politely.
"..and what about his skills, he looks really gifted.." my dad start saying, continuing the conversation like I'm not there.
"we can find another one, don't worry" another man says.
My dad looks at me in a face that saying I should leave them alone now. So I did.
I really hated this environment, I hate feeling like a product.
But not today, I will be strong enough to say what I basically wanted to say forever, and I will do it proudly.
I went straight to the kitchen because I really want my bday cookies that Keith the chef made for me, every year.
There's days where I feel so blessed to have this but then what it is matter when you don't have someone you can talk to or count on. I mean I have my grandma or Keith but now, I don't know.
when I enter the kitchen I hear my mom yelling "YOU NEED TO DO IT NO!.. PUT THE SAUCE IN!.. CAN YOU STOP MAKING MISTAKES?!"
I don't like seeing my mom like this, in this light. she is so mean, I wish I could stop her but I know she wouldn't listen.
"Hi, mom.." I say quietly while entering the kitchen.
"hi zoe, what are you doing here? did you talk to dad?" she asks but still looks at the other cooks movements.
"I talked to dad and I just.. want to eat some of the cookies Keith made for me"
"you gained some weight lately, are you sure?"
"mom! I can eat whatever on my bday"
"ok ok, do what you want, just don't blame it on me... I'm going outside, come in 2 mins, we need to start " she says and just leaving like she always do.
"pss.. is she gone?" I heard Keith's voice from the other room.
"yeah, she left" I answer.
"geez.. I thought she will never leave.. did I hear you came for the cookies?" he looks at me and start opening the oven.
"OMG yes!" I yell.
I get so excited for the cookies.
Keith get out the cookies and the smell is so good.
"I thought you wouldn't never come, I waited and waited"
"sorry Keith, I'm here now"
"of course sweetie, it's your bday"
"it doesn't feel like it" I say quietly and hope he did not hear that.
I take one big bite of the big cookie.
"be careful it's still hot!" Keith rushly says and wave his hands.
" I don't care! it's so good" I'm so happy for these cookies.
"I'm happy! now you should go before the devil.. sorry your mom will come" he jokingly say .
"ok ok, but I want more of those! save me some for later.. bye!" I hug Keith and get out.
now it's the time.
I once read it's good to just do the thing that you scared of, before you even think.
so I stopped the thinking, and I will do it.
I AM READY.
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