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11. Winter Coat

It was winter. The bitter weather of where the leaves dance until the white colored death came to them below the ground as the season's footsteps came.

The cold, drafty air enters the whole city. Shedding the most decorative coats out of everyone. Wisps of the warm clouds produced by breathing elapsed in a short period of time before it completely disappears, switching the gloomiest mood for the most people, unlike the rain.

Just as it was very lonely inside his apartment, his mind never felt it double down on him like before. He was supposed to be doing something productive but he did not find that energy within himself. Staring soullessly into the window with his steely-gray eyes, he wondered if this was what he wanted for the rest of his life. The window pane keeping him bearable from the cold somehow.

He sighed as he finally woke up from his wandering thoughts. Steering his dull attention on his room once again, he felt like he had the urge to pick up his cellphone, but he decided. He knew she wouldn't bother herself by coming all the way in his place just to hang out with him. In fact, he was picturing her going in her usual routine of filing or organizing cases in her office. The corners of his lips raised ever so slightly. He really can't wipe that habit off her, especially if she is wielding her whip.

His mind didn't stop there, however. No matter how much he assured and scolded himself that it was the last time he would ever think about her, he eventually came back. It was just too tempting.

This time, he reminisced about their past. He stumbled upon the memory of when his supposedly first trial ended up being held at gunpoint inside a courtroom. Calisto Yew, the defense attorney woman with her excessive laughing was pointing a loaded revolver at him. His body was immediately frozen due to shock, and as for her, she was taken aback but she never backed down. It was in her family name to never show fear or any kind of weakness, even if it was some crazed woman who is playing with death cards in front of them.

He anticipated the armed woman to maintain her aim at him, but his mind shouted in panic when the revovler's aim quickly pointed at his partner's direction.

The next thing he knew was that a child shouted at him, finally breaking him out of his shocked state as he reacted for his investigative partner in a matter of seconds, almost inhuman. He tackled her quickly onto the ground, wrapping his arms protectively around her as he held her close to him while his broad back is shielding her from the bullet.

BANG

The projectile whizzed and struck the polished, wooden wall of the Gallery stand as the armed woman fled the scene quickly. The girl and a certain Detective went after her.

But as for him, he slowly got up as he helped her as well. At the time, he was certain that it was concern and that urged him to check upon her for anything that might've harmed her. Concern for her well-being, and fear that his mentor would have his head if anything would ever happen to his daughter. There was nothing on her pale skin, and he sighed in relief.

Soon he would come to realize that it was no longer a mere concern as he saw her get shot in the shoulder, and in front of his eyes, no less.

He could still remember how sick he felt when her warm blood clung all over him, as he finally let go of her for the nurses and doctors to extract the bullet and patch her up. It felt like something in his heart had been shattered to pieces, and he found that it had the same intensity as his Father's murder. He couldn't bear to lose her.

Yet he can't do anything to change what happened. So he turned his distress into motivation instead. He had to finish what she had started. Although he really felt terrible inside while doing the whole fiasco in the courtroom.

Once again, relief and happiness came to him when he saw her barging through the court's door, evidence in tow. And it secured their first genuine win against the guilty party.

Throughout this recollection, he caught himself grinning. How ironic it was to think that he would lose her to something as stupid as a bullet, when in reality, he only lost her when she is no longer nowhere near him.

When she chased after him, everything in him turned for a change. He craved for her presence; her blue eyes to look back at him, touching her silky pale blue hair, her constant bickering with him, her usual 'I'm-better-than-you' attitude, her flustered look whenever he gets the chance of teasing or besting her, and her exchanging thoughts with him in about anything that came into their interest.

His entire summer was lively. That he was sure he wouldn't be feeling so sordid and gloomy ever again as he would have her. Sure it was selfish of him to want her, but he realized that he depended on her company to get through the lifeless days he always pictured into going. However, he also realized too late in winter that she is never coming back again.

'Why did I let her go? ' The question echoed in his mind like a ghost.

It all happened so fast that he still couldn't believe that everything happened in just a blur. They were assigned together once again on a high-profile case to catch the murderer living in an abattoir. The evidences existed for them to connect the dots and eventually find the culprit's whereabouts, as well as securing his guilt.

Along the way, she finally made a move in making her feelings be known to him. He, too, reciprocated the gesture. They shared their first kiss, hidden from the prying eyes of others. Each of them wearing those genuine smiles which was forbidden for them for so long, arms wrapping one another as their hearts and mind act as one unit.

He thought everything was going smoothly, that it would be over in just mere minutes...

... until the psychotic butcher, in his last ditch effort, brought the giant freezer door down and locked her within.

Her muffled shouts of defiance and pounding on the huge, steel-bolted door was still etched onto his mind like yesterday. She never gave up, up until her last breath on trying to bring the cursed door down.

But it was too late when help arrived. Her body was severely frostbitten, causing her internal organs to shut down due to the constant temperature drop, and her pulse is gone. She was dead before him. How could something like this happen to him?

This time, it really felt hard and painful for him to smile.

It was replaced by bitter tears instead.

It has been two days since his investigative partner and lover had died in that accursed icy killbox. He had made sure that the murderer would never set foot outside of the jail again. Inside the courtroom, he was not his usual self; he glared like death itself, and his normally-stoic and cold voice was replaced by pure malice and bitterness. Enough to send a good chunk of emotional trauma to anyone who dared crossed his way. The Gallery, the Defense, and the Judge sympathized with him somehow, but he didn't care. All he wanted was to see that cold-blooded person to be tortured until he was begging for death, like what he did to her, when she was trapped in the giant freezer all by herself, no one there to help her.

But despite his efforts, where does it left him? She wasn't there to congratulate or celebrate him on his victory anymore, unlike his peers. He couldn't even go back to the cemetery to tell her that he finally brought her death to justice.

He knew the following days would always look like this from now on-- cold, empty, and dark. The only thing he was thankful for the dreadful winter is that it helped him blend into the depressive atmosphere it always carried.

He also looked back if the note of him choosing death all over again was now a viable option since he, finally had a reason to die. The tears, the emptiness, the longing... it was all too much for him.

But he knew she wouldn't forgive him if he chose to be with her in an unconventional and unethical way. He laughed sadly. Yes, she would probably whip him to death if she ever saw him wasting his life like that.

So he kept on living. Just as the winter dies for spring to take over, he was there to preserve their memories together for as long as he walked the world on his own feet. Although it wasn't as easy as before, he would get there eventually.