Through Amber Eyes

Prelude: Disappointment

We should have never gone to that club tonight, Eleanor told me it didn't feel like the right thing to do after the accident. Why didn't I listen? This never would have happened. 

My hands began shaking nervously, sweat beading down my forehead. Why wasn't she answering my calls? 

Was he with her?  

I grab my phone once more, this is the last time I'm calling her, then I'll go to her house. Not Answering isn't like her. In any other fight, she at least lets me explain. Now's my chance, 

**Please leave a message after the tone**

"When I think of love, I think of it in colors.  Red for addictive love, Blue for safe love.

I believe that in every true pairing, there is one of each. Together they make purple, bold and thick with a vibrant affection that everyone around them has to stop and admire. But the trick with love is that there has to be one red and one blue. 

In my previous relationship, she was red and so was I. Burning with lust and desire, a constant need for physical touch, demanding attention from the other. No time for speaking, from the very start it was physical. We were on fire, burning-red-hot... Hot-tempered. Two reds don't blend. We just mix and mix until our colors run together to a cloudy crimson. The only purple she ever left me was the bruises placed on my skin, well hidden and thought out.  Six months I let her destroy my connections, my friendships. The relationship I had with my family, and our business. I let her bully me into submission.  

Every time I ran she'd come to find me, convince me that I needed her to survive. And she was right because I was addicted, addicted to the poison she'd been spilling into me with her own lips. I danced with the devil one too many times and I thought that I was brave because of it. As if she was a snake charmer, I bent and moved to every song.

Until finally, I built the courage to leave and believe me it took everything to do it... And so here I am today. Asking you for forgiveness El. 

Be my blue. Be my safe place. Be my shoulder to cry on, be the cool touch to my hot head. I crave your presence, your joyful noise. Like a glass of cold water, refresh my mind and heart on what it is to be healthily in love. I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I only wanted to have fun but I let my heart decide the way. Feelings caught up with me and I cannot lose you. I'm bearing my soul here El. I know I'm not the only one who regrets what they've done. I was human once and with you, I feel human again, I'm not an addict anymore. I can stand my reflection in the mirror and you taught me that. Let me show you my gratitude Nor... I can't survive without you even with this short time I've gotten to taste your kiss... El.. I lov-"

*beep* 

"Well, I'm sure she'll listen to that voicemail out the last I don't know eleven?", Antonio scoffed.  

I ran my fingers through my hair in exasperation, "You were welcomed to escort yourself out about thirty minutes ago ya know?" 

"Oh, and miss this shit-show? How could I miss this?" He laughed, crumbles of toast scattering across my marble floors. 

"Will you give it a rest!!" I shouted, slamming my fist on the table," I'm trying to fix this." 

Antonio sat his plate down on the countertop and walked staunchly over to me from the kitchen. " You don't get to choose when people should forgive you when you were the one that hurt them." 

"I haven't done this in years, Antonio. Forgive me if I'm a little frustrated that things are so much more complicated when it comes to women. This fucking girl is-"I was caught off guard when Antonio shoved me.  

"That 'fucking girl' is my cousin you fucking dick! I would have never pushed you in her direction if I would have known you'd pick Natalie AGAIN!" , Antonio says unapologetically. 

"I didn't pick her, she just showed up.. I...I Don't know how she knew she was going to be there" I replied. 

"You know, what's the point in getting a restraining order if you're just gonna keep running back to her?" Antonio crosses his arms. 

"Don't even suggest that I invited her back into my life. You're a really shitty friend you know that?" I spat, staring daggers into his eyes. Inches from his face. 

"Yeah well, at least I don't lead girls on when they're head over heels for me, just to almost get caught shagging my ex in an alley, Still going with the whole heartless playboy act Atticus? GROW THE FUCK UP!! You have had more time to mature than any of us in this room!!" Antonio screams. 

" I WOULD DIE ALL OVER AGAIN FOR ELEANOR, I WOULD KILL FOR HER! Fuck you, Antonio!" I screamed, pushing him against the door. I could feel the veins in my head pulsating, my fangs forming into place.

The thud from his head hitting the door brought me back to the reality of my actions. There was an awkward silence in the room after that. I took a few steps back, staring down at the floor. The blood from Antonios wound began to arouse my thirst. Hold it back Atticus! What have I done... who am becoming?

"No thanks Atticus, why don't you just call Natalie for that?" Antonio brushed his hair from his face, grimacing before leaving my condo and slamming the door behind him.

If there was ever a time I realized my mother was right it was now. 

I am a disappointment.